How making time for myself helps me to support my daughter with Autism

Nichole Wilson is a certified sign language interpreter who currently resides in Pearland, Texas.  She is a graduate of Northeastern University in Boston Massachusetts with a Master’s degree in Leadership/Nonprofit Management.  She is also currently working on a second Master’s degree in Communications.  Nichole is a single mother to a beautiful, vibrant daughter named Zeni’ Alyn who was diagnosed with autism at the age of three.  Every Wednesday in her private group, Autism Moms Are Beautiful with Nichole Wilson she does free giveaways for the moms.  AMAB Magazine page on Facebook reaches over 400,000 people monthly.

Nichole believes in encouraging Autism Moms.   Nichole created an anthem song entitled, Autism Moms Rock , which currently has over 62,000 views on Facebook.   This music video featured Autism Moms and their children on the spectrum to bring awareness. Nichole has performed, Autism Moms Rock at various events including the Special Moms Dinner November 2018, Safe Diversity and was honored by Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee,  July 2, 2019.   Nichole presented a great testimony at the AMAB Award Ceremony on March 17, 2019 at the Bisong Gallery.  Nichole presented  Autism Moms Are Beautiful at the Alvin ISD conference for disabilities in April 2018.  Nichole presented the first AMAB Award Ceremony at the Houston Museum of African American Culture on April 22, 2018 and is excited to present the 2nd annual AMAB Award Ceremony on Sunday, March 17, 2019 at the Bisong Gallery.  All winners received an award.  The winners also received a certificate from Sylvester Turner (Mayor of the City of Houston).  Nichole also completed sessions with Dr. Ali Griffith who is an Autism Mom and Business Coach.  Nichole supports the various organizations around the Houston area including Special Moms where she was the Guest Speaker on February 22, 2019.  Nichole will also be the Guest Speaker for “Out of the Blue” with artist Joseph Dixon who works for Avondale House painting the beautiful faces of children with Autism.  Nichole is a single mom who will sit on the panel for “Single Mom’s Empowerment Conference”, which will be held on Saturday March 30, 2019 and she was also the Keynote Speaker at Beyond the Walk on Saturday April 27, 2019.

Nichole has served on the committee for The Alzheimer's Association in 2017.  Nichole was also on the committee for Ready Women Inc. in 2016 and 2017.  Nichole is currently on the Friends and Family Board for Avondale House.  Throughout her time spent working on the committee of Ready Women Inc.,  Nichole has learned the value of staying positive and handling oneself with poise.  Nichole, who strongly believes in giving back to the community, is the founder of Autism Moms Are Beautiful and the Editor-in-Chief of AMAB Magazine.

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SINGLE MOM CEO
NICHOLE WILSON
EPISODE 4 TRANSCRIBED

Shahara Wright:      Hi everyone. Welcome to the Single Mom CEO. This is the show for single moms who run businesses full time today. I want to welcome, uh, Nichole Wilson. I'm with Autism moms are beautiful and MAAB Magazine. So thank you Nichole. Thank you so much for being here.

Nichole Wilson:      It's good to be here. It's great. It's great to do this. I'm so excited.

Shahara Wright:      This is a new series.  I'm really excited about it because this is something that's been close to my heart for a really long time as a full time business owner, um, and single mom, and I've been doing this for 20 years, that I understand that unique differences between being a single mom, running a full time business and having all these different things that come together. And I think there's just not enough of us that get to talk about our experiences and what we go through, the ups and downs, the good, the bad, the ugly, and all of that. So that's really what this show is about. And I really wanted Nichole here today because I think that what she does, number one is amazing, but to how she does it is also amazing. So I really wanted to show people how we can, um, be successful no matter all the challenges that we face in life and, and, and go through. And Nichole is one of those things, one of those people who understands those thing. So Nichole, do you mind just giving us a brief introduction about yourself and what you do in your business?

Nichole Wilson:     Sure. As she stated, I'm Nichole Wilson. I have a daughter who is on the autism spectrum. So that's the reason why I created autism. Mom's a beautiful, which is a group of mothers that we just get together. We uplift, encourage free wheat, free giveaways every week on our private Facebook page. And then our magazine, we interview autism moms and put them on the cover of the magazine and tell their story. We also interview other people in the community via celebrities or just local individuals who just want to encourage the moms to not give up on their dreams, including the dads as well.

Shahara Wright:     Awesome. So what made you start this business?

Nichole Wilson:      Well, as an autism mom, it's just so different. When you give birth to a kid and you, you know something's different, you don't, you can't put your finger on it, but you never pinpointed as autism. And then once that happens, it's like what you know, and then all these things are going in your head because you start realizing, Oh wow, this is what I have to realize. Okay, so this child may not be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do that or can't keep up. Oh my goodness. That means my child might not be in regular ed classes. Maybe there's all these things that go on. We set you in a state of depression because it depends on what's going on with your kid. It could be depression. I mean, it could be meltdowns where you have behaviors or you may not, but it's just a whole different feeling that you have.

Nichole Wilson:     And so I know what it felt like. So I decided, you know, maybe I should come up with something to where these moms can communicate with each other. And if you ever reach out and say, Oh, you know what, that was my store. Let me talk to you. If they have questions, let me speak to you. I remembered that some of these moms are single, some of these moms are not. Some of these moms are married and still single, you know, so it's a lot that they still need to depend on that support system of other autism moms.

Shahara Wright:     Yeah, I totally get that. Um, and I, I feel you in terms of wanting to create a group for people who understand what you're going through and you know, can they share those experiences because you need that. I wanted to know from your perspective and when you found out that your daughter had autism, you know, what led you, well, let me back up. Did you start this business as soon after you had your daughter? So what made you feel like you could, you know, balance the two, um, having her and being and being a single mom and having this business?

Nichole Wilson:     Well, I didn't create it right off once she was born. My actual creating the group and creating the magazine. This didn't come about to the end of 2017 so that means she was probably nine years old at the time. So all the hard work that I had to do to decrease meltdowns, to decrease a lot of her behaviors, to battle with school districts of the schools on getting her this and that. It came to a point where the, the low was lightened. So that's when I was able to do it. But I don't believe that I would have been able to do it during the stages of H five through eight Oh four through eight. I don't think I was.

Shahara Wright:      I totally get it. Um, and so what do you think in terms of raising your daughter on the autism spectrum and just, you know, like you said, all the things that you had to go through, how do you find, you know, the ability or do you really, um, to kind of balance all of the things that you have to do, um, in terms of raising her and running your business?

Nichole Wilson:     Well, the, the key that I find with, with many of us as we don't have a great support system because having a child on the spectrum is a different child. So if you're so used to go into family outings and family parties and everyone's kids are over there and mingling and congregating together and laughing at the age of two and three and yours is over to the right, you know, sticking a pen into the wall, trying to figure out why it's not going through, then you also start to have to deal with that. Whereas what's wrong with him or you know, you need to, you just need the spank them or you just spank her and then so you've kind of ostracized. So for, for me, my family is real supportive. So that's another reason why I'm able to balance a lot. You know, I didn't get sleep for many, many years and my parents retired early to take her back and forth to school.

Nichole Wilson:     They, um, keep her maybe one or two nights a week for me to get sleep and things like that. So that's something that I have, but many of autism moms and, you know, I'm not judging, saying 90% I want to give a percentage, but there is a lot that don't have that. They get no break at all. So that's where you get into the depression. So those moms that don't get breaks, that's the reason why I created the group to just make them laugh all day long. And no, just to let them know that I care, you know? But that's the way I've been able to balance it is because of having a support system. And of course she gets respite care now because there's a waiting list, her name on the list. So she gets that. But that wasn't always available either, you know? So yeah. So it's just, it's different things that I, that I get to balance it. But if I, if I was someone that did not have that, I really can't say it'd be easy to do what I'm doing. And that's just the honest truth about it.

Shahara Wright:     No, I, I totally understand what you're saying and I really feel you about those meltdowns. Um, because my son has ADHD, that is a thing. Um, for real. Um, and managing that, um, I think really helps manage your own stress. Um, so I, I, I definitely felt you like in my soul. Lots of, um, things.

Nichole Wilson:     Yes. Oh my goodness. And it's, it's different. You know, it's just different. And you know, a lot of times having children with autism and ADHD, if you've never had patience, you have it now you don't have a choice. But to have it people say, Oh no, no, no. I'm like, okay, whatever. You have one and you're going to find out just how your word you're sticking it. You know, I sent this, that doesn't really work in the situation. It's a training that you have to do to get them to understand what that write off like we had, we were young and mom was like, don't do this, you know? No, yeah, I agree. 

Shahara Wright:     Okay. Um, yeah, you know, you can't really have those kinds of conversations in the spankings and you know, the normal discipline that you would, um, just don't work. And I have an older son who's not ADHD and how I dealt with him and how I deal with the youngest one is this like, you know, night and day because I cannot deal with him in the same way. I can't see him in the same way. So it really made me change. And I had my son when I was older, my youngest son when I was older, 35, so, you know, talking about a level of trying to change their spots.

Nichole Wilson:     I just think I had none. I was selfish all day. Um, so I had to give up on that years ago. I was like, well, it don't matter what I think. So let me just . . .

Shahara Wright:      I totally get that. So, you know, thinking about that and understanding like how you have to manage, you know, your daughter and everything like that, how do you build your business? Um, I, I want to say around, but that may not be the right word, you know, managing your daughter. How are you building your business?

Nichole Wilson:     Well, the way I actually kind of do my stuff is I had to train her to allow me to work, you know, whereas you know the interruptions and all of that. So I had to start training her to understand that this is what I'm doing right now. But the way I started doing that, as I always say, okay she has been doing good for two or three days, well allow me to do what I gotta do. She loves to go to the bookstore. So I'll go take her to the bookstore probably on day four get our book and then we'll walk around and then we'll go to the store she loves to go to. So she goes to the store. So something, I want him to get home sometimes at eight 30 and up working. But I know that she likes to stay up with me cause she's nosy and so she goes to bed at like 10 30 11 so around that time is when I'm working where she's right there with me.

Nichole Wilson:     You know, if we're, if we're on the weekend together, I know she loves to go to the movies. So I get up in the morning, take her to the bookstore, then we go to the movies, or if there's any other party for her, go to the movies. And then once we get back home, she knows I need to work. But that's because it took me about two months to train her with that, by teaching her, Hey, you do good for me. This what we're going to do. I just need you to let me do what I gotta do. Oh, that's what we do. Then of course when I'm working, I can tell them when she doesn't want me to do that and it's like, hello and I have to just close a computer and that could be a five o'clock and then I just have to pick it back up at 10 and do it when she goes to bed.​
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Shahara Wright:     Yeah, I totally understand that. And I, and I think, um, you know, you kind of sometimes, you know, as moms, we manage our business around our kids or we run into kids around our business, you know, us and I think, um, that idea or that principle about how you're going to do it really kind of starts from the beginning. But with my eldest son, when I started my business, you know, I had thought about making sure that I had the freedom to be able to go around to, you know, his school when I needed to, to be a veteran, you know, things like that, which kind of also made me make less money. Of course, as you know, you miss out on business and things like that. So do you feel like sometimes you know, you are missing out on things because your schedule won't allow you to do kind of all the things that you want to do?

Nichole Wilson:    Well, what I have to start doing was just really realizing that there could be 20 activities going on for that mom and I need to learn this, I need to learn that. And I just balanced it, you know, with, with, with my daughter being 11 years old, even in my private group people are like wow that's how you work with her. A lot of stuff I didn't get training on a lot of stuff was, you know, I'm just going to feel her out and learn her and then we're going to try to figure this out. But for things that I know that I want to attend, I go with myself at two or three things and I just narrowed down which of that it's just more important. Out of the 10 things I'm invited to are the 10 things where I'm thinking I can go network cause I started thinking to myself like Hey bring in more autism moms for my, my, my group and my magazine and they go out there and do it for me so I don't have to always go because they're wearing the tee shirt, Hey, Oh blah blah blah, here's the car and everything.

Nichole Wilson:      That's kind of what I have cause we have a committee. So with that committee comes with, Hey, when I'm out and they can have their own organization, that's fine. I actually work. I actually make sure people know about theirs too. It's not just knowing about mine. So that's kind of how I get out of getting to go to so many places to meet and network. And now that I've kind of gotten a lot of attention now a lot of times I don't have to go to a lot of places because somebody knows somebody that's in the group or on the committee and everything. So I don't have to worry about a lot of that. But I definitely don't want to go to everything and I'll make it there. So I can't make everything. I'm tired. Here's the three things that we can make, you know, that includes activities with my daughter. So maybe three things for me that I need to learn, but then I'm always making sure she's going to stuff, but she don't like a lot of stuff. Show up. I don't like sports and like none of that. So I think for her as a bookstore and, uh, the movies, but now we're going to start going into a little bit more social skills where she don't handle a choice. Now she's working on that part of her life now. 

Shahara Wright:     Yeah, I, I get that. I really, and so like, well I know one of the questions, so just for everybody's, you know, knowledge, when I, when I pick people to M P a part of this and they sign up, I always ask them like, one is one of the major struggles that you have as being a mom and a CEO. And one of the things you said is me time, which I totally get right. So, um, I just wanted to know how do you, or do you really find me time and what does that mean Tom look like for you?

Nichole Wilson:     Well, you know, I'm a very goofy person. I had to start learning, you know, that, you know, if everything is just, I don't know, as you get older, you know, you want the companionship, but you don't want companionship from anybody, you know? And what I had to learn was that having a child with autism and having the me time that I need, is it beneficial for me with this personal or beneficial for that person or is it beneficial for just me to just do me and I'm real content. We are going to a movie. Let me tell you when, when I need to have mommy time and she drives me up the wall, I will go to a liquor store and I will go get a little baby bottle Jack Daniels or it could be gentle and I probably have seen the movie already.

Nichole Wilson:      What is the fact that it starts at the right time? I go right up in there and I'll go buy a Coke if I feel like spending $4 or if I feel like being cheap, I'll go bring my cup, you know, I don't care. I'll bring my cup in there and yeah, y'all can see me cause I know where my cup and bring my soda in there and that's it. I don't care about the movie, I just care about the fact that it's dark, it's quiet. And I just fall asleep. Sometimes I, you know, that's me. I exercise sometimes here and the other because I was like I should, but exercise, you know, according to what works for me, I had to learn that I love going to plays. I loved going to theater, I loved going to that. So if I could balance that into my life probably once a month, once every two months instead of me saying to myself, this is what I did before her and I should be able to do this like I used to.

​Nichole Wilson:     You have to get out of that. You have to go, okay, if I make one play a month or if I make one concert every two months and I'm good because I'm going to go right up the street to this movie for $5 and I'm going to sit right up in here on my little Jack port in there and I'm relaxed. So it's kind of like I have, I work with autism moms and explained to them that your past me time, you may not get three hours, you may only get one if you put your child to bed for 45 minutes, figure out how to just sit. Even if you have to breathe for 45 minutes, but you have to have it. Because if you don't have it, you're gonna lose, lose your head. But that's how I had learned to do my me time.

Nichole Wilson:     You know, it's not always about partying. It's always about going over to the latest thing. Sometime it's just about going somewhere or you ain't gotta worry about a talking to you cause I didn't wanna talk to you to move this thing. I don't want you talking to me right now. I have a lot going on. So I had to start finding places where I have to worry about nobody bothering me for me to get an hour or hour and a half in girl that could be right outside my balcony, that could be at the movies, you know? And I will go somewhere and put headphones on. It is not coming out. I'll walk around the mall or something and people really think I'm listening to some, no, I'm not listen to anything. I just don't want you talking to me. That's why I have the headphones. So that's what I had. I had to do. I'm okay with reading books, all kinds of things, you know. But I had to start training myself. What was better for me to get my me time.

Shahara Wright:     Yeah. And I like what you're saying that you had to figure out what you liked and what you wanted and I think sometimes we get lost in that. I mean there was a time when somebody would ask me what do you like to do? And I was like I don't, I don't even know like, but yeah I enjoy giving yourself an opportunity to like rediscover yourself and know that you know even your, your 20 year old self, your 30th the old self, your 40 year old self changes and what the things that you like to change. Stuff that opportunity. You know who you are and what you're dealing with now I think really makes a difference. So I really, um, I really, and I thank you for explaining that because I think a lot of women, you know, deal with that as well.

Nichole Wilson:     Yeah. Because really with me time, it ain't about you. Oh girl, this is what I want to do babe. I ain't got but two hours and what you're talking about has a lot of noise and chaos to come to. Why don't you go on and go and call me when it's done, bring me up to go plate. That's what I always say. I got CashApp to give you some money to bring me something to go, but I don't want to go with you because you're messing up what I got to do. You know what I mean? That's where I'm at.

Shahara Wright:     Yeah, I get it. I get it. So where do you see your business going in the next like three to five years? How do you see it growing?

Nichole Wilson:     Well, right now our magazine page on Facebook reaches over 400,000 a month. Wow. Yeah. We reached that many. We only have about 5,500 likes. And I didn't even pay attention to that until I about maybe three or four months ago. I'm hoping that the actual magazine, now that we're interviewing celebrities, that will start to get really out into all the States and we can start developing different groups around the U S so whereas I can't make everything, but then we can have representatives for autism. Moms are beautiful and if they have interviews set up, we would love that. But at the end we really would like for it to be a big thing and to grow and have the magazines everywhere and eventually, Hey, you know, somebody gave me an award for loving these autism moms, you know? Yes. You know, so something like that, but just something to do, whereas we're just expanding and we're working on expanding right now.

Nichole Wilson:     It's just my goal is I would like for everyone, every mom to know. They can send their article, they can send their information, you know, we'll talk about it through the magazine, we'll talk about it verbally, whatever. Just get the stories out so everybody can see that it's so many moms out here that have a story and it's not one story like the other. Awesome.

Shahara Wright:     Thank you. That is really beautiful. So do you have like any advice or tips for single moms that, um, are, you know, looking to have their own, well, they have their own business. We're looking to kind of grow their business. Um, and, and how to do that. Like any advice that you may have for some single moms, um, with setup business owners?

Nichole Wilson:      Well, the first thing that I would tell a single mom does a business owner is do not surround yourself by people who will not support you in it because you don't have a big support system anyway.

Nichole Wilson:     You're stressed, you're doing so much on your own. So make sure you're always surrounded by people that that could be via who you're dating, that could be via friends that you developed before, that may not still be friends now because now you're moving in a direction that now takes attention from them. You have to start really weighing out people. That was the first thing I had to do. And even now I realize, wow, you know, I can't have this person around me because they're going to stifle your business. Not consciously. They're going to stifle you from, from progressing. Always remember that. It's real important for you to still consider your health while you're doing this. So sometimes you're sitting there trying to do, you know, do your thing. I gotta do this. But the only thing right there is a bag of chips. It's okay to take a 15 minute break to go get a salad and sit there and eat a salad while you're developing.

Nichole Wilson:     But don't develop your business for attention. Develop your business because this is what you really want to do for people too. To notice the love that you have for what you have. And the only way you can do that is by showing people that you love yourself. And when you love yourself, you gotta put your heart into it. You're not gonna have the distractions. You're not going to have all the looks and the crazy people that's wanting to come out of the way and say, Oh, I keep doing that. Why you don't worry about pleasing nobody. Just worry about, you know what, this is what I want to do this and I love to do. And if it's only five people that like it for one month, I rather you have five people that like it, they'll want to like it. Then I have 80 people that are fake, that are smiling at you saying, yeah, you know, I always remember that strangers will support you faster than people that you're not. You know, that's, that's one of the biggest things that I always tell people that no people, that my friends or associates never, never purchased subscriptions in a magazine. Nothing. But I can't worry about that. My goal is I want people that I don't know, but that means I'm actually making an impact. I mean, I am, my voice is being heard.

Shahara Wright:     Yes, absolutely. I thank you. That was, I'm youthful. So tell us, um, the coal, like how to connect with you, how to purchase your magazine. How can we support you?

Nichole Wilson:     Cool. So the website is http://www.amabeautiful.org  So we're right now linking all the other ones up to this particular, um, website. But autism mom's a beautiful.org is also linked to that. So if you type in autism mom's beautiful.org, it's gonna all come up and it references a magazine. It's AMAB magazine, so you can get that on http://www.issu.com or just click on our website and it's right there to purchase it. Um, we also are it. And then on our Facebook page we have a private group for autism moms and special needs moms is autism moms are beautiful with Nichole. So, so me, like I say, it is a private group. We do have other people that come into the group, but it's really stated clearly that is this for autism. Moms express themselves is not for you to judge their response to their feelings on math though bootstrap.

Nichole Wilson:    And then we also have, um, our life page and maybe magazine. Autism moms are beautiful. And again, that's our page where we post different local news. That's going on or international news or wherever it is. We're posting the foolishness that goes on, all the beautiful things that go on. And also if you have the app, 95 three jams, I'm on every Sunday at nine 15 central where I'm going to give the highlights of different, not less news about what's going on in the community all over the world. You know, you name it, I'm going to be talking about it. So that's pretty much it. If you need to email me is info@amabeautiful.org.

Shahara Wright:     Right. Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your experience and your story. Um, I, I really, um, identify with a lot of things that, you know, a lot of other women will too. Um, I just think that this is a great opportunity for those of you out there, um, that if you feel, um, that what Nichole had to say was like, Oh yeah, you know, I feel in my soul like I did. Make sure you connect with her on social media. Follow her on support, her organization and her business. I'm in. So thank you so much again. Um, if you guys, um, want to know more about single mom CEOs, you can come to our YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/ShaharaWright and then you can also find us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/SingleMomCEOSuccess Um, I just want to say to you guys that I'm really appreciate you guys being a part of this and being on this single mom revolution. Um, we're doing big things and we got to support each other. So thank you again, Nichole, and you got time. Bye. Bye.