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How making time for myself helps me to support my daughter with Autism

11/25/2019

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Nichole Wilson is a certified sign language interpreter who currently resides in Pearland, Texas.  She is a graduate of Northeastern University in Boston Massachusetts with a Master’s degree in Leadership/Nonprofit Management.  She is also currently working on a second Master’s degree in Communications.  Nichole is a single mother to a beautiful, vibrant daughter named Zeni’ Alyn who was diagnosed with autism at the age of three.  Every Wednesday in her private group, Autism Moms Are Beautiful with Nichole Wilson she does free giveaways for the moms.  AMAB Magazine page on Facebook reaches over 400,000 people monthly.

Nichole believes in encouraging Autism Moms.   Nichole created an anthem song entitled, Autism Moms Rock , which currently has over 62,000 views on Facebook.   This music video featured Autism Moms and their children on the spectrum to bring awareness. Nichole has performed, Autism Moms Rock at various events including the Special Moms Dinner November 2018, Safe Diversity and was honored by Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee,  July 2, 2019.   Nichole presented a great testimony at the AMAB Award Ceremony on March 17, 2019 at the Bisong Gallery.  Nichole presented  Autism Moms Are Beautiful at the Alvin ISD conference for disabilities in April 2018.  Nichole presented the first AMAB Award Ceremony at the Houston Museum of African American Culture on April 22, 2018 and is excited to present the 2nd annual AMAB Award Ceremony on Sunday, March 17, 2019 at the Bisong Gallery.  All winners received an award.  The winners also received a certificate from Sylvester Turner (Mayor of the City of Houston).  Nichole also completed sessions with Dr. Ali Griffith who is an Autism Mom and Business Coach.  Nichole supports the various organizations around the Houston area including Special Moms where she was the Guest Speaker on February 22, 2019.  Nichole will also be the Guest Speaker for “Out of the Blue” with artist Joseph Dixon who works for Avondale House painting the beautiful faces of children with Autism.  Nichole is a single mom who will sit on the panel for “Single Mom’s Empowerment Conference”, which will be held on Saturday March 30, 2019 and she was also the Keynote Speaker at Beyond the Walk on Saturday April 27, 2019.

Nichole has served on the committee for The Alzheimer's Association in 2017.  Nichole was also on the committee for Ready Women Inc. in 2016 and 2017.  Nichole is currently on the Friends and Family Board for Avondale House.  Throughout her time spent working on the committee of Ready Women Inc.,  Nichole has learned the value of staying positive and handling oneself with poise.  Nichole, who strongly believes in giving back to the community, is the founder of Autism Moms Are Beautiful and the Editor-in-Chief of AMAB Magazine.

SINGLE MOM CEO
NICHOLE WILSON
EPISODE 4 TRANSCRIBED

Shahara Wright:      Hi everyone. Welcome to the Single Mom CEO. This is the show for single moms who run businesses full time today. I want to welcome, uh, Nichole Wilson. I'm with Autism moms are beautiful and MAAB Magazine. So thank you Nichole. Thank you so much for being here.

Nichole Wilson:      It's good to be here. It's great. It's great to do this. I'm so excited.

Shahara Wright:      This is a new series.  I'm really excited about it because this is something that's been close to my heart for a really long time as a full time business owner, um, and single mom, and I've been doing this for 20 years, that I understand that unique differences between being a single mom, running a full time business and having all these different things that come together. And I think there's just not enough of us that get to talk about our experiences and what we go through, the ups and downs, the good, the bad, the ugly, and all of that. So that's really what this show is about. And I really wanted Nichole here today because I think that what she does, number one is amazing, but to how she does it is also amazing. So I really wanted to show people how we can, um, be successful no matter all the challenges that we face in life and, and, and go through. And Nichole is one of those things, one of those people who understands those thing. So Nichole, do you mind just giving us a brief introduction about yourself and what you do in your business?

Nichole Wilson:     Sure. As she stated, I'm Nichole Wilson. I have a daughter who is on the autism spectrum. So that's the reason why I created autism. Mom's a beautiful, which is a group of mothers that we just get together. We uplift, encourage free wheat, free giveaways every week on our private Facebook page. And then our magazine, we interview autism moms and put them on the cover of the magazine and tell their story. We also interview other people in the community via celebrities or just local individuals who just want to encourage the moms to not give up on their dreams, including the dads as well.

Shahara Wright:     Awesome. So what made you start this business?

Nichole Wilson:      Well, as an autism mom, it's just so different. When you give birth to a kid and you, you know something's different, you don't, you can't put your finger on it, but you never pinpointed as autism. And then once that happens, it's like what you know, and then all these things are going in your head because you start realizing, Oh wow, this is what I have to realize. Okay, so this child may not be able to do this. I'm going to be able to do that or can't keep up. Oh my goodness. That means my child might not be in regular ed classes. Maybe there's all these things that go on. We set you in a state of depression because it depends on what's going on with your kid. It could be depression. I mean, it could be meltdowns where you have behaviors or you may not, but it's just a whole different feeling that you have.

Nichole Wilson:     And so I know what it felt like. So I decided, you know, maybe I should come up with something to where these moms can communicate with each other. And if you ever reach out and say, Oh, you know what, that was my store. Let me talk to you. If they have questions, let me speak to you. I remembered that some of these moms are single, some of these moms are not. Some of these moms are married and still single, you know, so it's a lot that they still need to depend on that support system of other autism moms.

Shahara Wright:     Yeah, I totally get that. Um, and I, I feel you in terms of wanting to create a group for people who understand what you're going through and you know, can they share those experiences because you need that. I wanted to know from your perspective and when you found out that your daughter had autism, you know, what led you, well, let me back up. Did you start this business as soon after you had your daughter? So what made you feel like you could, you know, balance the two, um, having her and being and being a single mom and having this business?

Nichole Wilson:     Well, I didn't create it right off once she was born. My actual creating the group and creating the magazine. This didn't come about to the end of 2017 so that means she was probably nine years old at the time. So all the hard work that I had to do to decrease meltdowns, to decrease a lot of her behaviors, to battle with school districts of the schools on getting her this and that. It came to a point where the, the low was lightened. So that's when I was able to do it. But I don't believe that I would have been able to do it during the stages of H five through eight Oh four through eight. I don't think I was.

Shahara Wright:      I totally get it. Um, and so what do you think in terms of raising your daughter on the autism spectrum and just, you know, like you said, all the things that you had to go through, how do you find, you know, the ability or do you really, um, to kind of balance all of the things that you have to do, um, in terms of raising her and running your business?

Nichole Wilson:     Well, the, the key that I find with, with many of us as we don't have a great support system because having a child on the spectrum is a different child. So if you're so used to go into family outings and family parties and everyone's kids are over there and mingling and congregating together and laughing at the age of two and three and yours is over to the right, you know, sticking a pen into the wall, trying to figure out why it's not going through, then you also start to have to deal with that. Whereas what's wrong with him or you know, you need to, you just need the spank them or you just spank her and then so you've kind of ostracized. So for, for me, my family is real supportive. So that's another reason why I'm able to balance a lot. You know, I didn't get sleep for many, many years and my parents retired early to take her back and forth to school.

Nichole Wilson:     They, um, keep her maybe one or two nights a week for me to get sleep and things like that. So that's something that I have, but many of autism moms and, you know, I'm not judging, saying 90% I want to give a percentage, but there is a lot that don't have that. They get no break at all. So that's where you get into the depression. So those moms that don't get breaks, that's the reason why I created the group to just make them laugh all day long. And no, just to let them know that I care, you know? But that's the way I've been able to balance it is because of having a support system. And of course she gets respite care now because there's a waiting list, her name on the list. So she gets that. But that wasn't always available either, you know? So yeah. So it's just, it's different things that I, that I get to balance it. But if I, if I was someone that did not have that, I really can't say it'd be easy to do what I'm doing. And that's just the honest truth about it.

Shahara Wright:     No, I, I totally understand what you're saying and I really feel you about those meltdowns. Um, because my son has ADHD, that is a thing. Um, for real. Um, and managing that, um, I think really helps manage your own stress. Um, so I, I, I definitely felt you like in my soul. Lots of, um, things.

Nichole Wilson:     Yes. Oh my goodness. And it's, it's different. You know, it's just different. And you know, a lot of times having children with autism and ADHD, if you've never had patience, you have it now you don't have a choice. But to have it people say, Oh no, no, no. I'm like, okay, whatever. You have one and you're going to find out just how your word you're sticking it. You know, I sent this, that doesn't really work in the situation. It's a training that you have to do to get them to understand what that write off like we had, we were young and mom was like, don't do this, you know? No, yeah, I agree. 

Shahara Wright:     Okay. Um, yeah, you know, you can't really have those kinds of conversations in the spankings and you know, the normal discipline that you would, um, just don't work. And I have an older son who's not ADHD and how I dealt with him and how I deal with the youngest one is this like, you know, night and day because I cannot deal with him in the same way. I can't see him in the same way. So it really made me change. And I had my son when I was older, my youngest son when I was older, 35, so, you know, talking about a level of trying to change their spots.

Nichole Wilson:     I just think I had none. I was selfish all day. Um, so I had to give up on that years ago. I was like, well, it don't matter what I think. So let me just . . .

Shahara Wright:      I totally get that. So, you know, thinking about that and understanding like how you have to manage, you know, your daughter and everything like that, how do you build your business? Um, I, I want to say around, but that may not be the right word, you know, managing your daughter. How are you building your business?

Nichole Wilson:     Well, the way I actually kind of do my stuff is I had to train her to allow me to work, you know, whereas you know the interruptions and all of that. So I had to start training her to understand that this is what I'm doing right now. But the way I started doing that, as I always say, okay she has been doing good for two or three days, well allow me to do what I gotta do. She loves to go to the bookstore. So I'll go take her to the bookstore probably on day four get our book and then we'll walk around and then we'll go to the store she loves to go to. So she goes to the store. So something, I want him to get home sometimes at eight 30 and up working. But I know that she likes to stay up with me cause she's nosy and so she goes to bed at like 10 30 11 so around that time is when I'm working where she's right there with me.

Nichole Wilson:     You know, if we're, if we're on the weekend together, I know she loves to go to the movies. So I get up in the morning, take her to the bookstore, then we go to the movies, or if there's any other party for her, go to the movies. And then once we get back home, she knows I need to work. But that's because it took me about two months to train her with that, by teaching her, Hey, you do good for me. This what we're going to do. I just need you to let me do what I gotta do. Oh, that's what we do. Then of course when I'm working, I can tell them when she doesn't want me to do that and it's like, hello and I have to just close a computer and that could be a five o'clock and then I just have to pick it back up at 10 and do it when she goes to bed.​
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Shahara Wright:     Yeah, I totally understand that. And I, and I think, um, you know, you kind of sometimes, you know, as moms, we manage our business around our kids or we run into kids around our business, you know, us and I think, um, that idea or that principle about how you're going to do it really kind of starts from the beginning. But with my eldest son, when I started my business, you know, I had thought about making sure that I had the freedom to be able to go around to, you know, his school when I needed to, to be a veteran, you know, things like that, which kind of also made me make less money. Of course, as you know, you miss out on business and things like that. So do you feel like sometimes you know, you are missing out on things because your schedule won't allow you to do kind of all the things that you want to do?

Nichole Wilson:    Well, what I have to start doing was just really realizing that there could be 20 activities going on for that mom and I need to learn this, I need to learn that. And I just balanced it, you know, with, with, with my daughter being 11 years old, even in my private group people are like wow that's how you work with her. A lot of stuff I didn't get training on a lot of stuff was, you know, I'm just going to feel her out and learn her and then we're going to try to figure this out. But for things that I know that I want to attend, I go with myself at two or three things and I just narrowed down which of that it's just more important. Out of the 10 things I'm invited to are the 10 things where I'm thinking I can go network cause I started thinking to myself like Hey bring in more autism moms for my, my, my group and my magazine and they go out there and do it for me so I don't have to always go because they're wearing the tee shirt, Hey, Oh blah blah blah, here's the car and everything.

Nichole Wilson:      That's kind of what I have cause we have a committee. So with that committee comes with, Hey, when I'm out and they can have their own organization, that's fine. I actually work. I actually make sure people know about theirs too. It's not just knowing about mine. So that's kind of how I get out of getting to go to so many places to meet and network. And now that I've kind of gotten a lot of attention now a lot of times I don't have to go to a lot of places because somebody knows somebody that's in the group or on the committee and everything. So I don't have to worry about a lot of that. But I definitely don't want to go to everything and I'll make it there. So I can't make everything. I'm tired. Here's the three things that we can make, you know, that includes activities with my daughter. So maybe three things for me that I need to learn, but then I'm always making sure she's going to stuff, but she don't like a lot of stuff. Show up. I don't like sports and like none of that. So I think for her as a bookstore and, uh, the movies, but now we're going to start going into a little bit more social skills where she don't handle a choice. Now she's working on that part of her life now. 

Shahara Wright:     Yeah, I, I get that. I really, and so like, well I know one of the questions, so just for everybody's, you know, knowledge, when I, when I pick people to M P a part of this and they sign up, I always ask them like, one is one of the major struggles that you have as being a mom and a CEO. And one of the things you said is me time, which I totally get right. So, um, I just wanted to know how do you, or do you really find me time and what does that mean Tom look like for you?

Nichole Wilson:     Well, you know, I'm a very goofy person. I had to start learning, you know, that, you know, if everything is just, I don't know, as you get older, you know, you want the companionship, but you don't want companionship from anybody, you know? And what I had to learn was that having a child with autism and having the me time that I need, is it beneficial for me with this personal or beneficial for that person or is it beneficial for just me to just do me and I'm real content. We are going to a movie. Let me tell you when, when I need to have mommy time and she drives me up the wall, I will go to a liquor store and I will go get a little baby bottle Jack Daniels or it could be gentle and I probably have seen the movie already.

Nichole Wilson:      What is the fact that it starts at the right time? I go right up in there and I'll go buy a Coke if I feel like spending $4 or if I feel like being cheap, I'll go bring my cup, you know, I don't care. I'll bring my cup in there and yeah, y'all can see me cause I know where my cup and bring my soda in there and that's it. I don't care about the movie, I just care about the fact that it's dark, it's quiet. And I just fall asleep. Sometimes I, you know, that's me. I exercise sometimes here and the other because I was like I should, but exercise, you know, according to what works for me, I had to learn that I love going to plays. I loved going to theater, I loved going to that. So if I could balance that into my life probably once a month, once every two months instead of me saying to myself, this is what I did before her and I should be able to do this like I used to.

​Nichole Wilson:     You have to get out of that. You have to go, okay, if I make one play a month or if I make one concert every two months and I'm good because I'm going to go right up the street to this movie for $5 and I'm going to sit right up in here on my little Jack port in there and I'm relaxed. So it's kind of like I have, I work with autism moms and explained to them that your past me time, you may not get three hours, you may only get one if you put your child to bed for 45 minutes, figure out how to just sit. Even if you have to breathe for 45 minutes, but you have to have it. Because if you don't have it, you're gonna lose, lose your head. But that's how I had learned to do my me time.

Nichole Wilson:     You know, it's not always about partying. It's always about going over to the latest thing. Sometime it's just about going somewhere or you ain't gotta worry about a talking to you cause I didn't wanna talk to you to move this thing. I don't want you talking to me right now. I have a lot going on. So I had to start finding places where I have to worry about nobody bothering me for me to get an hour or hour and a half in girl that could be right outside my balcony, that could be at the movies, you know? And I will go somewhere and put headphones on. It is not coming out. I'll walk around the mall or something and people really think I'm listening to some, no, I'm not listen to anything. I just don't want you talking to me. That's why I have the headphones. So that's what I had. I had to do. I'm okay with reading books, all kinds of things, you know. But I had to start training myself. What was better for me to get my me time.

Shahara Wright:     Yeah. And I like what you're saying that you had to figure out what you liked and what you wanted and I think sometimes we get lost in that. I mean there was a time when somebody would ask me what do you like to do? And I was like I don't, I don't even know like, but yeah I enjoy giving yourself an opportunity to like rediscover yourself and know that you know even your, your 20 year old self, your 30th the old self, your 40 year old self changes and what the things that you like to change. Stuff that opportunity. You know who you are and what you're dealing with now I think really makes a difference. So I really, um, I really, and I thank you for explaining that because I think a lot of women, you know, deal with that as well.

Nichole Wilson:     Yeah. Because really with me time, it ain't about you. Oh girl, this is what I want to do babe. I ain't got but two hours and what you're talking about has a lot of noise and chaos to come to. Why don't you go on and go and call me when it's done, bring me up to go plate. That's what I always say. I got CashApp to give you some money to bring me something to go, but I don't want to go with you because you're messing up what I got to do. You know what I mean? That's where I'm at.

Shahara Wright:     Yeah, I get it. I get it. So where do you see your business going in the next like three to five years? How do you see it growing?

Nichole Wilson:     Well, right now our magazine page on Facebook reaches over 400,000 a month. Wow. Yeah. We reached that many. We only have about 5,500 likes. And I didn't even pay attention to that until I about maybe three or four months ago. I'm hoping that the actual magazine, now that we're interviewing celebrities, that will start to get really out into all the States and we can start developing different groups around the U S so whereas I can't make everything, but then we can have representatives for autism. Moms are beautiful and if they have interviews set up, we would love that. But at the end we really would like for it to be a big thing and to grow and have the magazines everywhere and eventually, Hey, you know, somebody gave me an award for loving these autism moms, you know? Yes. You know, so something like that, but just something to do, whereas we're just expanding and we're working on expanding right now.

Nichole Wilson:     It's just my goal is I would like for everyone, every mom to know. They can send their article, they can send their information, you know, we'll talk about it through the magazine, we'll talk about it verbally, whatever. Just get the stories out so everybody can see that it's so many moms out here that have a story and it's not one story like the other. Awesome.

Shahara Wright:     Thank you. That is really beautiful. So do you have like any advice or tips for single moms that, um, are, you know, looking to have their own, well, they have their own business. We're looking to kind of grow their business. Um, and, and how to do that. Like any advice that you may have for some single moms, um, with setup business owners?

Nichole Wilson:      Well, the first thing that I would tell a single mom does a business owner is do not surround yourself by people who will not support you in it because you don't have a big support system anyway.

Nichole Wilson:     You're stressed, you're doing so much on your own. So make sure you're always surrounded by people that that could be via who you're dating, that could be via friends that you developed before, that may not still be friends now because now you're moving in a direction that now takes attention from them. You have to start really weighing out people. That was the first thing I had to do. And even now I realize, wow, you know, I can't have this person around me because they're going to stifle your business. Not consciously. They're going to stifle you from, from progressing. Always remember that. It's real important for you to still consider your health while you're doing this. So sometimes you're sitting there trying to do, you know, do your thing. I gotta do this. But the only thing right there is a bag of chips. It's okay to take a 15 minute break to go get a salad and sit there and eat a salad while you're developing.

Nichole Wilson:     But don't develop your business for attention. Develop your business because this is what you really want to do for people too. To notice the love that you have for what you have. And the only way you can do that is by showing people that you love yourself. And when you love yourself, you gotta put your heart into it. You're not gonna have the distractions. You're not going to have all the looks and the crazy people that's wanting to come out of the way and say, Oh, I keep doing that. Why you don't worry about pleasing nobody. Just worry about, you know what, this is what I want to do this and I love to do. And if it's only five people that like it for one month, I rather you have five people that like it, they'll want to like it. Then I have 80 people that are fake, that are smiling at you saying, yeah, you know, I always remember that strangers will support you faster than people that you're not. You know, that's, that's one of the biggest things that I always tell people that no people, that my friends or associates never, never purchased subscriptions in a magazine. Nothing. But I can't worry about that. My goal is I want people that I don't know, but that means I'm actually making an impact. I mean, I am, my voice is being heard.

Shahara Wright:     Yes, absolutely. I thank you. That was, I'm youthful. So tell us, um, the coal, like how to connect with you, how to purchase your magazine. How can we support you?

Nichole Wilson:     Cool. So the website is http://www.amabeautiful.org  So we're right now linking all the other ones up to this particular, um, website. But autism mom's a beautiful.org is also linked to that. So if you type in autism mom's beautiful.org, it's gonna all come up and it references a magazine. It's AMAB magazine, so you can get that on http://www.issu.com or just click on our website and it's right there to purchase it. Um, we also are it. And then on our Facebook page we have a private group for autism moms and special needs moms is autism moms are beautiful with Nichole. So, so me, like I say, it is a private group. We do have other people that come into the group, but it's really stated clearly that is this for autism. Moms express themselves is not for you to judge their response to their feelings on math though bootstrap.

Nichole Wilson:    And then we also have, um, our life page and maybe magazine. Autism moms are beautiful. And again, that's our page where we post different local news. That's going on or international news or wherever it is. We're posting the foolishness that goes on, all the beautiful things that go on. And also if you have the app, 95 three jams, I'm on every Sunday at nine 15 central where I'm going to give the highlights of different, not less news about what's going on in the community all over the world. You know, you name it, I'm going to be talking about it. So that's pretty much it. If you need to email me is info@amabeautiful.org.

Shahara Wright:     Right. Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your experience and your story. Um, I, I really, um, identify with a lot of things that, you know, a lot of other women will too. Um, I just think that this is a great opportunity for those of you out there, um, that if you feel, um, that what Nichole had to say was like, Oh yeah, you know, I feel in my soul like I did. Make sure you connect with her on social media. Follow her on support, her organization and her business. I'm in. So thank you so much again. Um, if you guys, um, want to know more about single mom CEOs, you can come to our YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/ShaharaWright and then you can also find us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/SingleMomCEOSuccess Um, I just want to say to you guys that I'm really appreciate you guys being a part of this and being on this single mom revolution. Um, we're doing big things and we got to support each other. So thank you again, Nichole, and you got time. Bye. Bye.
 

 
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How I found myself and my passion after divorce. - Featuring Lisa McKenzie

11/25/2019

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Lisa McKenzie is the Founder and Executive Producer of You Night Empowering Events, a program whose mission is to help women embrace life beyond cancer.  Lisa's passion for exploring opportunities to empower women is what drives her daily ambitions.  Seeing how hard women can be on themselves, Lisa recognized the positive role she can play in the community, drawing from powerful tools she used to climb out of a dark place. Lisa founded You Night in 2013 to bring together caring members of the community to love on and empower women, and show them they possess everything they need to be strong and powerful.  That is achieved through faith, a positive outlook and the social support of the You Night sisterhood.  To date – because of sponsorship support and donations to You Night’s non-profit (the We Lift You Up fund) -- You Night has gifted 300 local women with the You Night experience, resulting in a very active sisterhood of survivors in our community.   There are many aspects to the You Night programs that extend to not only the participants, but to the family members, as well.  One of the programs Lisa created is ScART (which stands for Scar Art).  ScART gives participants the opportunity to paint their surgery scars on canvas, allowing them to see their scars from a new perspective. Lisa is hoping that someday, her programs will be available nationwide and that her program will be synonymous with mental and emotional healing after a cancer diagnosis. In 2013, Lisa was a finalist in the “BIG IDEA” – for New Orleans Entrepreneur Week. That same year she was a finalist in the Urban League’s “Women in Business Challenge” and a $10,000 grant winner for the Salesforce Challenge. In 2017, Lisa was awarded the InnovateHer Challenge winner for the state of Louisiana; You Night was named “Most Glamourous Event” by St. Charles Avenue Magazine,  was named “Best Charity Event” by the Edge of the Lake Magazine reader poll,  and was featured in a national Capital One commercial viewed by millions. Lisa is a member of the Delta Gamma sorority, and many of the programs she implements in the You Night curriculum draw on the positive sisterhood and leadership aspects learned from being a Delta Gamma. Lisa is a graduate of San Diego State University where she majored in Political Science and Journalism. Lisa currently lives in Covington, Louisiana and is the mother of two children (Ryan age 22 and Halle age 17).

http://www.younightevents.com
​http://www.scartevents.com 

SINGLE MOM CEO
LISA McKENZIE
EPISODE 3 TRANSCRIBED

Shahara Wright:     Hi everyone. Welcome to Single Mom CEO. Um, I'm Shahara Wright and I am so excited to have for you, a good friend of mine, Lisa McKenzie. And one of the things that I really was excited about having her here is because not only does she have her own business, but she also has a nonprofit that she runs. She does so much stuff as a single mom helping others that she was like one of, I know I say this all the time, but when I really think of people, I think about, you know, the people that I interacted with, I think that are doing really great things. And Lisa is one of those people. So Lisa, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much, for sharing your story.

Lisa McKenzie:     Thank you for having me and thank you for those complements. It makes when I have a peer that I look up to, to, to compliment me, it means a lot to me.

Shahara Wright:      So why don't you give us a quick introduction of yourself and your business, what you do.

Lisa McKenzie:      We at all, I started a PR, a company called You Night Events in 2013 and the idea behind it was to take women who have suffered through adversity and in the case we, in this case it's cancer and put them through an empowerment program that's an alternative to traditional support groups where there's a finish line, um, something that they can work to together as a group to, to achieve a goal rather than just week after week or month after month, going to a support group and hearing everybody's struggles. Um, I was, I was in a divorce support group and after the second one I kind of ran to my car because I thought, Oh my gosh, like is this, what's going to be like every, every week? It felt so sad and I'm like, I don't want to feel sad. I want to, I want to find ways to feel happy.

Lisa McKenzie:      And even though you want to be in a supportive group with other people, it's like I'm my own problems. I don't know if I could sit around and take on all your problems. So anyhow, unite is a support group, but we do, we have been empowered group activities. And in our case, we're best known for training ladies who are survivors do walk a runway and then it's done over a six month period of time where when they first join, they're not feeling that they’re in the best position emotionally where emotional support initiative. And so they're, you know, a lot of them don't have hair eyelashes or they put on weight because of the treatments that they're in or their body parts are different. Their self-esteem has changed. So it's probably the worst time in your life to be approached to be in a runway show. But we take ladies and once they start saying, wow, we're also just human and so beautifully human, um, and they, they sort of let their walls come down and start discovering their inner beauty and together they can purge their bad self-talk that they've been teaching themselves and, and replace that with amazing truths. And by the time they walk the runway, they are just this beautiful, amazing sisterhood that long lasts long. Anyway, so that's in a nutshell.

Shahara Wright:     So why did you focus on cancer survivors as a part of this event?

Lisa McKenzie:     Yeah, it was, it was really kind of accidental because I'm not a cancer survivor myself. My mom is a breast cancer survivor and when I was younger and I saw her lose her hair and she had one breast forever, it was really damaging to me as a child to have to grow up with a mom that I was sort of embarrassed about when she'd come and pick us up at school and she never wore a bra. And I was hooked by that. So I didn't accept her the way she accepted herself, which is now as I'm older, I definitely have more compassion about that. Um, but then also I had two really good friends who got diagnosed and they were just not the same strong women that they were prior to the diagnosis and you just saw their worlds kind of come crashing down. So it just happened to be that I wanted to do an October event and I approached the hospital and I said, we'd like to give this to the participants and have it funded through donations. And sponsorship and, um, how would you like your hospital to be involved and to send women who've had cancer to get this experience? So it could have been any woman, honestly, who's gone through adversity. Um, the program really is, applies to anybody, but cancer has been our focus and we have watched miracles performed. Like it's beautiful thing. Beautiful. Beautiful.

Shahara Wright:      That's great. Yeah. And I, I really, um, love your story in that, you know, from what you experienced and saw the child, um, how you've grown into that and have a different viewpoint and now you want to assist others, um, from just to help them have better self-esteem. Um, you know, when they're going through something that's so, you know, emotionally, um, in addition to physically traumatic. Um, so that's, that's great. So did you terms of doing this business, um, why did you decide to turn it into a business? Why did you decide to make something that was your own?

Lisa McKenzie:      Yeah, it was, you know, I was writing, I've been a business person since 1997 when I was a wee young blasts. I thought, I've been an entrepreneur my entire life with the exception the first four years out of college, I worked as a in a public relations department and had them mean as us. Like she was just so, so rude and mean. And I'd sit in these, we'd get called into these mandatory board meeting or you know, committee meetings on Saturdays and they'd be just, it felt like a constant waste of time and a lot of politics in the office. And so from there I broke off and became my own business back in 1997. It's the best move I ever made. I, I think like an entrepreneur. I love being an entrepreneur. I love, my attitude has always been no ceiling. Um, I don't believe like when people say, what do you want to do?

Lisa McKenzie:     It's, I'm sure like other people, it always involves Oprah somehow and the Superdome, uh, you know, those kinds of thoughts and they don't scare me to think that big. And there's never like, Oh, I can't achieve that. It's always like account weight to get to that point. So when this came about, I was already running a successful jewelry business, which was also accidental. I kind of stumbled on things based on my crazy ideas and uh, and, and that, and it just, it just transitioned from me being at boutiques across the country with a jewelry line that I had you fill in a little frivolous with that cause it was an accidental sort of thing. I was doing that I wanted to make a difference in the world of women. And it's, it's, it's where I'm naturally meant to do that. I've been involved with my sorority forever and, um, I'm also very deep in my faith and I just believe that I have the ability to do my creative ideas and energy to make a difference in this world. So what I'm doing is really, I've, I believe it's for others, although it's super gratifying for myself.

Shahara Wright:      Yeah, no, that's great. Um, and I love that you have been doing this for such a long time in terms of owning your own business because I think that gives you sort of a bravery, um, when you're out or ready to, to do the next thing. So you mentioned earlier that you are divorced and so, you know, when you got divorced and you had, you were single mom, what was your mindset in terms of having a business and being able to raise your kids at the same time?

Lisa McKenzie:     Well, actually the way that You Night came about was because of my divorce. So my cancer was my divorce. I went into very, very dark place for two years and was super depressed. And the hardest part about the divorce for me was to have to go hide in my room when my, so my kids couldn't see me falling apart. I mean I just had two years of where I was like, how do I say, stay strong? Cause I come from, I'm a child of divorce and all I just remember growing up was my mom was always crying and she was so messed up and I felt like I don't think kids should see their parents in a part like that. And I really kind of with my ex, we, we vowed to make it a very happy environment and we have so that thankfully a, he and I were united on that front too to make our home drama free.

Lisa McKenzie:      But it didn't mean that my world was drama free. That was the face I presented to my kids. So I would go and client, you know, hide and you know, take cold showers and cry and cry myself at sleep. And then my kids would be like, are you crying mom? No, no, I just watched this movie because they were young. Now they're older. When my son is in his, um, final year at university of Alabama and my daughter's about to graduate high school. Um, you know, so this has been going on for like seven years. So when they were younger, I didn't know if they were ready to hear everything and, and there was a point not too long or let's say a couple within the last couple of years that we did have a really honest discussion about what was happening, um, with the breakup and why happened and you know, how it hurt my feelings. Um, and it was nice to actually; finally have that honesty and I feel like at that point they were mature enough to handle it. But, um, I don't know if I, did I answer your question? I kind of went off memory lane  in my head there.

Shahara Wright:      No, no, no. I get it because I, you know, my, my single mom journey is, you know, I was a single mom, then I got married, then I got divorced and I'm single mom again. So I have that in between and I totally understand what you're saying because for me, I definitely, I have two boys and I definitely didn't want, I didn't feel like I had the luxury of falling apart. Not even so much of letting them see me cry, but I didn't feel like I could, like I had to moving I think in that feeling of having, feeling like, Oh yeah, I have to keep moving. You know, the depression was setting in, but I didn't feel like I could even stop long enough to deal with it. So I was just wondering, did you feel that way too? Like for your kids? Like I just have to push through this regardless of how I feel.

Lisa McKenzie:     Well, I think I've always been that way. I've pushed through so many things in my life, but during that, the only thing that was different during that time of my life was that I really got depressed cause I've always been a very happy go lucky I've been president of everything I do. Like I'm, I'm always take charge, like, let's do this. But then all of a sudden I found myself in a position where I didn't recognize myself anymore. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm like actually depressed, you know? And, um, and I was wondering if that was going to be my forever, you know, like is this my new world? And I kind of found myself in unfamiliar territory. Cause when you're married all those years and you'd have family vacations and you know, you're doing everything as a couple and then all of a sudden you're, everything you thought was the reality comes to crushing halt.

Lisa McKenzie:     Cause these were things he was having an affair on me. So that was what was happening. But it's all of a sudden you're just like, Oh my gosh, this world is like horrible. It's bitter. It's, it's not, it's not the fantasy that you thought you were, you know, having grown up and, and so that was the hardest part was like what does my future look like? And that's what happened was in that place, in that dark place, I was able to, I had to go through that fire emotionally to, um, to figure out what I wanted out of life. It's kind of like, okay, now I have the second half of my life and I get to decide what's important to me because, you know, as women, we're such givers and we're taking care of the family and I still take care of my family.

Lisa McKenzie:       My goodness. Do I take care of them? But like I said, especially having a daughter who's a senior the senior year, we're so busy. But um, right; it was an exciting time. Once I can start seeing the light out of the tunnel, they started giving myself empowering tools to get out of that and my friends and my family, my faith really helped me through that. And that's what we give to the cancer group. That same sort of tools. But, um, it's exciting to say, now what do I want? Like if I had between now and whatever age I see myself, you know, at, as an older woman, what do I want that to look like? And so, um, so that's how that's eventually what got me into power through is I got to set more parameters as to do what I want to feel like, what do I look like, you know, so I started doing yoga and annotating and, um, just more self-care.

Shahara Wright:      No, I, I definitely, um, understand what you're saying and I think it's really an important, I think, the theme overall in terms of understanding what you want, um, as a woman to decide where you want to go forward to. And sometimes I think it takes us a little bit longer than it should because we're so focused on other people and when we have no choice but to focus on ourselves, we get the opportunity to say, okay, you know, what I really want for myself. And I think that's really good. So in terms of like managing your kids, their schedules, because you know, especially with teenagers, they have like their whole social life, um, that goes on, that you have to manage and navigate around. So how do you find that space in terms of navigating what they need versus, and not versus, but in addition to, um, your business and what you have going on?

Lisa McKenzie:     Yeah, I think that, you know, when my son was graduating high school,  I actually had a meltdown because all of a sudden I was, I was like, Oh my gosh, that period of my life is over. He's going on to college. And I blown it as a mom. Now I had, and I was a great mom, but I started having a lot of guilt about did I spend enough time with him because I'm such, I mean, my work really requires 17 hour days and it is insane what I do. So I started talking to myself about I did I spend enough time with him, his mom, um, was I too focused on the business? You know, I, I, that was a tiny bit of it fields. Um, but he didn't hold any grudge against me and we have a great relationship. So with my daughter, I had four more years with her. And so I've really been trying to make a conscientious effort of having some more mom daughter time, like taking, you know, going to the park and having picnics with her.

Lisa McKenzie:      And it's different, different than mom, daughter dynamic. Cause we do a lot of things. We really enjoy together. Shopping, going out to dinner and working out together and we cooked together. That's been really fun doing cooking. So I'm managing my time with them socially where I can, I mean sometimes my daughter has to really push like mom, you know, can you not take that phone call or you know, um, don't forget Saturday's our day. You're not supposed to be working on units. So it is really been, fortunately she prompts me and I have to sometimes, you know, turn off the, um, the brain, the, the work brain and really just be present in the moment. Um, that that's sometimes hard to do because I'm always, you know, work mode. But, um, thankfully I have, I think I've done a better job with her of having those special moments cause she'll, you know, in may when she goes off to college or this summer, um, you know, I, I can't look back and say, Oh my gosh, I blew it.

Shahara Wright:     Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't want to have those regrets. I totally understand that.

Lisa McKenzie:     Then when she goes to college, what, what are your goals and what are your thoughts about where the business is going to go when you are an empty nester? Um, so to speak. And you know, you don't have to manage the schedules in the same way that you have to now. Well, all the rooms are being converted. I always tease him. I'm like, Oh yeah, I'm gonna make a sewing room in a craft room. I'm just kidding. I wish I had talked for so many crafts, but no, I actually know a side benefit. You didn't ask this question, but I just want to say that this has happened in my life is that, you know, and I would, I would suggest this to single moms maybe who are looking, you know, for their next relationship as an example. What happened with me was that when I got really focused on just me and saying, well, if this is going to be me for the rest of my life by myself, what is, what's that gonna look like and feel like?

Lisa McKenzie:     And as soon as I did that, the right person came along dating someone for four years, who absolutely is, is completely surprised because it's given me everything emotionally and supportive that a woman would ever want. And, um, I don't know if some of your listeners I've ever felt this way, but when you're a woman who's strong, especially if you go through divorce, you have to wear the pants in the family, right? So you'd play the women role in the mommy role work role and, and what, what's been a nice surprise at my stage in my life was I have a very strong man who came along. He's allowing me to be quite feminine and not have to be like the man role, if that makes sense. You know? Perfect sense. Yes, absolutely. The second part of my life when you say what am I going to do once I'm an empty nester is that a lot of that will him, I there will be a different kind of dynamic with having that relationship.

Lisa McKenzie:     Um, cause right now we're kind of live in separate lives. Um, but I, I do think that, I mean I can't imagine my workload increasing. I already work 17 hours. I um, I don't see much of a change in my day to day workload. Actually, once my kids are gone, I think the only difference will be in my social life will improve. That was, that's the one area that I've had to set aside. If I have to balance everything, it's my social life with my boyfriend, my business life and my kids' life. So my first priority has been my kids and my business. And then one sort of is, you know, the, the smaller side of things that would be the only thing that's going to change for me is that my social life will improve. But in terms of working, I think that, I think I'm pretty, do a pretty good job right now. Keep working full steam ahead and I'll continue doing that. Yeah, I hear you,

Shahara Wright:    Especially about the social life and I think, you know, depending on the age of your kids, your ability to really truly have a social life, um, you know, mine is nonexistent.

Lisa McKenzie:      Right?

Shahara Wright:     Hey bro, you going? I'm like, no, I'm not going. I just . . .

Lisa McKenzie:      Saturday night, is that, what's a Friday or Saturday? It's another night and I'm working.

Shahara Wright:     Yeah. You know, and I mean, and my kid doesn't of course, he, he's, my youngest one doesn't do sports. Um, but he, you know, is in robotics and boy Scouts and this and that. So, you know, there's still a lot of running around. So I usually am just like, I'm tired and I don't want to go anywhere. And if I could just get a moment where I can just sit on the couch and watch TV for like 12 hours straight. That to me is like the best thing ever. Like I don't want to go anywhere. So I think that the fact that you are like, okay. Yeah and I feel like having a social life you're like, okay, it gives me something like, yeah, okay maybe one day I'll be like, okay, I'm ready to leave the house.

Lisa McKenzie:     Yeah. I don't know. I just feel like that's the area that will, cause I won't have to feel guilty. I mean my, I don't have to feel like, Oh my gosh, I should be spending more time. Like I'll have, I have that luxury, but if the house is going to be so quiet, I don't know that I'm ready for that. I'm very freaked out about not having my daughter around. I mean I've been a mom. I mean, my daughter, my son is 22 so what, 22 years of my life I've been a mom and I don't even know what you know, you know, every mom goes through this, what that next stage is gonna look like in terms of having quiet space. It's kind of odd honestly.

Shahara Wright:     Yes, a long period of time. It's like there's a period of time where you like, Oh God, I wish it was quiet. And then sometimes it becomes too quiet and you're like, Oh, I wish they were here. So I totally understand what you're saying. Absolutely. Yeah. So where do you see you not, um, event kind of going in terms of with your kids? Are they involved? Do they know what you do? How are they connected with your business at all?

Lisa McKenzie:     My daughter is so involved. My son will come to every event that I have. He'll drive home from college and it is so sweet to see my two kids hanging out, my son and his suit and you know, he's such a sweet guy. Um, I don't know that he'll play a role, although I think he would love to. He's an engineering major, so he just thinks differently. On the other hand, she is in, she, she, she is so involved in particularly, um, she helps me choose all the music. Um, the themes. Uh, I use her to bounce off ideas all the time and she's constantly saying, mom, what do you think about this? When you think about this, won't this be cool? What if the ladies wear this? So she, um, he has more of a creative desire because we are very similar with theatrical and music and sound and, um, but, uh, I don't know if in the future she will be a part of the organization. I would want her to want to do that on her own. But she's going into marketing and business. She'd be so good. Like she think she'd be perfect.

Lisa McKenzie:     We, I keep growing. Um, I, as you know, I'm working on this, um, national initiative, that painting program where ladies paint their scars on campus called scarred. And that is launching nationally, um, with a painting with a twist franchise in December. And it's, um, there's just so much going on with the growth of my business right now that I would love it if she is involved, but we'll just see, I want her to go and have an amazing college experience. I think she's, we're not sure where she's going. She's probably going to university of Alabama also, but, um, I want her to go and have a blast and then, and then I'll try to wrangle them back in. I said, my son has almost already promised me and he's going to pay off my mortgage. I like stating that public reason.

Shahara Wright:     She has to do it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I know we've talked about some, some advice that, especially around, you know, single moms and, um, entrepreneurship, but do you have any like, maybe do's and don'ts, um, in terms of, you know, balancing that mom's business, um, part of your life?

Lisa McKenzie:     You know, mine, I guess would be spiritual. I mean, there's probably a thousand things I could say, but, um, I have, I have, I guess because when you have those moments, like it's just every, every day, you don't know what's going to come. You could have these days where you're like, Oh, I'm on top of the world. Everything I touch is turning to gold. And then the next day you're totally like, what happened? You know, phone call, don't go awry, you have a drama situation. Um, you're putting out fires and then you're like, I don't know if I can handle this. Um, so I have, um, I have this chalkboard over my computer. It's my, I trust you, pod, chalkboard, chalkboard. And um, at the beginning of every year I take a, an eraser and I wipe it off. And I know I have, I trust you, God. And I have a Bible verse that I love, but I've put a Mark every morning and I say, I trust you about I trust you got.

Lisa McKenzie:     And then like if I'm having like a day where I'm like, Oh, I circled the number. Just like, okay, God, I trust you. I just need a tiny bit more, um, more like, not necessarily faith, but just help me through this day. It's a test case. And, um, so that's kind of like one little tip is just to start off every day knowing at least this is my, if, if your, if you have a strong faith, and this would be my advice, is that just to always give it to God every day before you start because he already has it worked down and, and, and if you're working in the zone, he's gonna open doors for you. And that's kind of the way I run my business. It's, it's exciting to let him be a driver. And I don't say that lightly, by the way. I really believe that.

Shahara Wright:     No, that's good advice. I think. And especially, um, when those dark days come and sometimes they'd come numerous, you know, and I know that for me this year, um, that's really been a process for me is to, to get my mindset in a better place. Um, and I think that that has made a big difference for me this year. Um, especially when you go through a lot of struggle and maybe it does come like one or the next day, but it may feel like it's constant, um, that, you know, you need to be able to keep your mindset and having, you know, to focus on God and know that you know, he's there for you makes a big difference in terms of how you approach your day. Um, and all the things that you have to deal with. For sure.

Lisa McKenzie:     I was gonna say one other thing too, and it's, it's hard cause I don't do this every day, but, and I didn't do it today. Probably when we hang up, I'm going to actually go do it. I try to wake up and do my 15 minute sun salutations in my house. Like I have this yoga video that I watch and there's thousands of them on YouTube, but I'll do this 15 minutes. My whole body just stretches out and feels so good. And then it ends with like a 10 minute meditation. And a lot of times I'm like, do I have 25 minutes to spare? But my day goes so much better and differently. If I take those 25 minutes out for myself just to stretch, wake up all of my cells and um, we get my blood flowing and just like get centered. So I, I try, I'm working on that. It's not a daily thing cause I like straight out of bed sometimes the wearing my pajamas and then in pajamas all day. But I do 'em I do suggest that too.

Shahara Wright:     That's great. So thank you so much Lisa, for being here and sharing your story. I really appreciate it. I love talking to you because I feel like we have so much synergy, you know, as women. Um, and also I also appreciate your perspective because I think, um, being a business owner for so long and then having, you know, ladies, children, two adults, there's just a different perspective. Um, from when you, I can say not completely finished raising your kids, but you've gotten them to 18, you know, it's like, yeah, you bet. 

Shahara Wright:     
That first part is done and I think I have a 22 year old and 11 year old, but you know, those of us that are still going through it, um, you know, need that encouragement and say, you know, there is kind of a light so to speak at the end of the tunnel, you know that you know this too shall pass. So thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. I appreciate it.

Lisa McKenzie:      Well, we are super women. We're not trying to be, we are all the moms out there who are running a business and raising kids. It isn't easy, but what a privilege to do all.

Shahara Wright:      Absolutely. Absolutely. So tell us how we can get in touch with you. How can we support your business? You know, how can we support you?

Lisa McKenzie:     Well, I would love anybody to just check out my website. Um, I have two, two websites. So first is You Night Events,  http://www.Younightevents.com  Um, if anybody has women who are going through cancer diagnosis or recovery and they're looking for a network of support, um, we are talking to a couple of cities to grow the big sisterhood program that we offer, but we have an online support group so people can refer women to that. Um, the other thing is ScART Events is  http://www.scartevents.com ​ And that's the paint and sip I told you about or you know all about, cause you helped me with my attorney. Um, I, I that is a national program available to anybody who wants to schedule a private group class where women paint their scars on canvas as a way of, um, just exploring what is underneath the clothing and what scars means to them. A lot of times it's a negative, but we helped turn it into a positive through our org and through that group experience. So that would be it. Just checking me out and spreading the word to women who could benefit from what we offer.

Shahara Wright:                                             All right, great. Thank you so much. I'm, I'm so glad you're here. I hope everyone, um, got to learn something from Lisa. She definitely had a lot of nuggets, um, there for us to learn something. I knew I learned something. I'm just leaving this, this little bit of time, so I really appreciate, again, you being here. So you guys are wanting to hear more about single moms CEO. You can find us on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/shaharawright  You can also find us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/singlemomceosuccessw  and we will be back with more beautiful women who are doing big things in business and in life. So thank you again and I will see you guys next time. Bye bye.
 
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How I balance my heavy travel schedule with being a Single Mom - Featuring Jennifer Fontanilla

11/19/2019

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As an experienced speaker, financial coach, bestselling author, and former financial advisor, Jen Fontanilla has been in the finance industry for 15 years and helps entrepreneurial women take control of their finances so they gain clarity, hope, and confidence to live out their true passion and purpose.  Her focus is to help them identify the habits and money stories that are holding them back and empowering them to level up to create transformative, lasting change.

Connect with Jen at:
Connect with me on Facebook www.facebook.com/jenfontanilla or @jenmoneycoach
Instagram @jen.fontanilla
GET YOUR FREE GUIDE:  10 Mistakes Solopreneurs Make When It Comes to Their Money at www.jenfontanilla.com/gettheguide

Single Mom CEO
​Jennifer Fontanilla
 Episode 2 Transcribed

Shahara Wright:      Hi everyone. Welcome to Single Mom CEO today with asked me today. Oh my goodness, I can't talk. Today we have Jennifer Fontanilla and I'm really excited to have Jennifer and I know I say that about every guest. I just might as well just stop saying that. I'm really excited and just start off with the whole excitement thing. I always love the ladies that we get a chance to talk to because they are so inspiring to me and I know that they will be inspiring to everyone else. And Jennifer, I met, um, I think a year ago, maybe a little bit longer. Um, yeah, about a year ago, um, through a, an event. And so we kind of stayed friends via Facebook. And so when I started Single Mom CEO, she was one of the people that I said I definitely have to have on this show. So thank you Jennifer.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     Oh my gosh. Thank you.

Shahara Wright:     So Jennifer, why don't you introduce yourself and tell the audience a little bit about who you are.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     Sure. Well, hi everyone. Welcome. Thanks for being here and watching. My name's Jen and I've been in the financial services industry for about 15 years and originally I started as a financial advisor. So I have experience in insurance and retirement planning and investments and all that kind of stuff and went through the market crash. So I know what it's like to go through something like that and seeing what clients go through, but also at the end of it, you know, seeing the ones that made good decisions, how they weather the storm. And then slowly I decided, you know, I felt that there was a discrepancy where I, I just always felt as an advisor there's, there's things that you work on it, there's those steps, right? And I realized we need to take a step back because some people haven't gotten the budgeting down the credit is not where it needs to be and all those types of things, but everybody's trying to jump into, I need to invest.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     And so it bothered me that the foundation wasn't there. It bothered me that, you know, as an advisor, you don't really address those things. You kind of throw somebody a budget sheet. But you know that people aren't really going to do it. You just know they're not gonna do it. And so I decided that I needed to shift the business and a lot of things were changing in the securities, which was an investment world. And so I realized I wanted to transition more into the financial and money coaching. And so, you know, it gave me more autonomy. I felt that it was a better place for me. I felt like I can really make that impact by helping people, making those decisions at a fundamental level where it's like, okay, let's start, let's start on the right split, let's understand what we're doing. Then we can build upon that because, you know, sometimes it'd be backwards.

Jennifer Fontanilla:      Then people would be like, Oh wait, now I can't invest. Or now I can't pay for my insurance. Because a lot of the foundation wasn't built properly. And so one of my focuses is that I love helping women, especially ones that are solopreneurs, entrepreneurs, because that's the, that's such a unique space. You know, we deal with so many different things. I mean even where here, you know, Single Mom CEO, same, same I thing, you know, same idea where we have unique situations. And so I love that space and I love supporting women, make those decisions. Especially, you know, in the, you know, the coaching world and the entrepreneurial world. There are so many things to buy. There are so many things that I'm moving parts. And so I really love helping women make that, um, make that foundation strong so that everything that they build upon is this Olympic followed.

Shahara Wright:      That's so good. And I think you're right. It's so needed. And I think even with that, there's so few people that really understand that unique situation, especially when you're dealing with entrepreneurs, um, that you know, your income is not always guaranteed. Um, and so I think, you know, to have someone in the financial planning world that understands that really makes a difference. So, um, yeah, I think that's such a needed, um, aspect of, of what you do.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     Thank you.

Shahara Wright:      So from your business, were you always on your own or were you working for a company and then decided to go on your own?

Jennifer Fontanilla:     It's actually kind of been on my own. Um, you know, because from the beginning, it has always been a contract, so it's, they're familiar, you know, 1099 so you're pretty much on your own. There was never a guaranteed paycheck. You know, I asked some reserves in the very beginning and, you know, you burn through that fast and, and it's interesting because you know, you, for some of you that have that space of, you know, you had that job and that guaranteed paycheck and you hated it. You hated that job. You couldn't wait to leave. But then, you know, as you go through the transition, you're like, Oh no, it wasn't so bad.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     Right. You go through those things and you, you realize, um, that, Oh my gosh, this is so crazy. And um, but no, from the beginning it's always been, you know, on a contractual basis. Um, and so that was an interesting, you know, transition where you're so used to every two weeks that's like so easy to plan your budget. Everything was so easy to plan, plan. And then when I made that transition, when I, you know, I was working, offered reserves, you know, at the same time you start, you just always in the back of your mind and you start seeing this, okay, you just know in your mind that that resource is depleting and you have to build this. And so it's this thing that you juggled from the get go. So it's been a roller coaster, but you know, that's, I think that's the thrill that we love about it is that it's exciting. You're, you're a creator, you're making things happen, you're helping people solve their problems. And yes, I think that's what makes all of it exciting.

Shahara Wright:     Yeah. I, I think you're right. It does make an exciting, sometimes nerve wracking, but exciting at the same time. So as we all know, this a Single Mom CEO, so you are in fact a single mom. Do you have a boy or girl?

Jennifer Fontanilla:     I have an eight year old boy going on 17.

Shahara Wright:     I have, um, two and my youngest is 11, and I swear I'm, and he's like 45, like the same age as me. And I'm like, Oh my God, I just can't with you. So

Jennifer Fontanilla:     I know. Totally get it. Totally. I'm right behind you.

Shahara Wright:     So in juggling, you know, yourself, your business and, you know, being a single mom, how do you work around your schedule? I know we had a good conversation, you know, pre interview, talking about your speaking engagements and things like that. So I know you do a lot of speaking. So how do you kind of work around that schedule of being there for your son and, and traveling for your speaking?

Jennifer Fontanilla:      Yes, great question. Um, first I have to thank God for my parents. They're both retired. Ironically, I handle their accounts so I know they did very well and I'm so blessed that they, you know, they did a great job. And my mom, it's funny with my dad and I joke about it like, yeah, mom did really, really good and I'm saving and uh, they're like my poster children of what you should be doing. But because the them and um, thank goodness are retired, I have them. So I'm, I know not everybody has that resource. You know, to, to go to the grandparents. Um, but you know, for them, you know, they, they, they love the grandson. His name is CJ, Christopher Jordan. And so thankfully I have them when I travel, but it's, it's hard, you know, it's one of those things where, okay, what's the least amount of time it can be gone, what's the earliest flight I can get?

Jennifer Fontanilla:     What's the earliest I can book back home? And, you know, just trying to stay in touch through, you know, messenger manger kids through the iPad or whatnot. Um, so that makes it tough on, you know, it's really about scheduling and telling them ahead of time like, okay here or even if I don't have to like leave out of town. It really is time management to just be able to travel. I have to be very informative. I'm like, okay, I'm going to be gone from like, even if it's as simple as like had to be gone from, you know, 7:30 a.m. when I go, cause I live in LA, everybody, so you know, traffic, you know, it's, it's like it takes two hours to get somewhere that's five miles away. And so I think I'm still thankful for things like zoom webinars and stuff like that. But you know, it's, it's very important to communicate, okay, I need, can you watch him from this to you take them to school, you know, can you pick them up and that type of thing.

Jennifer Fontanilla:      So it's just about communication and being able to schedule and plan ahead and, um, and for me to communicate that to them. And, and thank God I've had, um, very, very supportive women in my life too. I think I would, um, I'm currently publishing a book and there were times when like, you know, I felt bad it was the weekend and, and my son is like, he's going to be bored. And so I've had friends who like, you know, do you want me to take them? And thankfully they had kids too. I'm like, I'll give you money, you know, that way he's not forced. So, you know, you really, I think every other day it really comes down to have you built that support system, whether it's family, friends, you know, you really, really have to build some kind of support system around you so that you can figure out how to maneuver around your business and you know, have that time with your child at the same time.

Shahara Wright:     Yeah, no, I think that's really important. I think a lot of, um, moms, you know, definitely feel like, yes, the support system, um, has to be strong, um, and being able to be there. Do you engage him at all in your business or do you make sure that he just has something else completely to do?

Jennifer Fontanilla:     I try to engage them to the point where it's enough for his age, but I do joke in my mind that, yeah, you know, like there's going to be a day where you're going to be working the conference and might have a lot. You get a pass off sent to the back or whatever. And um, but why it was so important. And since, um, I think when he was three, I remember this was the first memory I had. I was in the kitchen. Of course, I'm practicing a presentation and I'm walking around. So I looked like a crazy person because I'm talking to myself. And so he's, I think he was three at the time. And he goes, well, what are you doing? And I said, Oh, I'm trying to see my speech. It's just like, Oh, can I do it? You know, think little things like that I would engage him.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     And then so even along the way he would see, you know, something like this, like a, a zoom call. And he, it was so funny because he is, he's always around me, you know, because you have that flexibility in your schedule. And, and ladies, I know there's times when you're like, Oh no, another day off from school. Like some people I see on Facebook, they get excited. I don't, I don't get excited cause now I'm like, okay, that's, I feel like that's one day away from my time that I would have been working. But you know, all in good balance, but you know, he would get to the point where he would recognize certain people that I was going on zoom call meetings or he would recognize, Hey, that person live on Facebook. So it's interesting because it's not like everybody has an opportunity to take their child to traditional workplace, but, but as you know, a lot of times your home is your workplace.

Jennifer Fontanilla:      And so he's been immersed in it. So in, in that regard, he's seen the different things I've done. Um, he, he understands that, you know, I have to, you know, not all my travel is like fun. I mean, I tried to make it fun, but, you know, it's not like, Hey, I'm going to no vacation. So he's, he's starting to see that world where, okay, you're going out of town for another conference. And I stay in communication with him when I'm gone so that he understands, like, okay, okay, it's two more days. Okay, I'm gonna come back tomorrow morning. So, you know, depending on what it is I'm doing, he's, he's seen the different things I've been involved with along the way.

Shahara Wright:      Yeah, that's good. I think, um, you know, that's important. I don't really think my kids know what I do. They know I'm a lawyer. Um, and I see some aspects of it, but I don't think I've ever really, truly engaged them in, um, what I do. Um, so I always find it interesting and how other women are incorporating kids and their business, because I probably would've done the complete opposite and probably kept them away from as much legal stuff as I could. So I find that interesting. And I think that's good. And I, and especially with travel, um, because I know this year I reduced my travel significantly. It was, to me it was becoming more stressful because of the schedules and the things that he was doing and getting into and all that kind of stuff, that it was more stressful for me. So how do you find it for yourself? You know, trying to manage all that, that you are kind of managing your own stress of dealing with being gone, uh, and making sure that he does everything he needs to do. And you know, grandparents, um, always allow the kids to do a whole lot more than you would ever let them do. I know my mom does anyway. Sure. Stuff was still is running smoothly and they haven't, you know, gone all Lord of the flies on you while you're gone.

Jennifer Fontanilla:      I was just talking about that book recently. It's funny you brought it up. Um, but yes, I um, for me, I'm a stickler for self-care. If anything, I'm really good at. I am, I got that nailed down like two ways. Science, I mean, I practice meditation. I almost said medication could be meditation. I practice meditation, prayer and I, I mean I go to the gym and people go, well, how often do you, I'm like, it's 20, not 24, seven. I would be dead. I, you know, I do that every day and I, and I, I have to from my own mental state, you know, for it to de-center myself and to have that time for myself in the, in the morning. And then, you know, at nighttime, I, I've, it's just been a practice that I had done for several years now. And so it's so ingrained in me that it's just very, very habitual.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     I tell people, it's like I'm brushing my teeth, so for me I do that. Then, you know, when it comes to the balance, you know, like, like you, you had to make a decision, like, you know, I have to cut back. And so for me, I, I will look at the entire year and I'm like, okay, how often was I ​gone, you know? Okay. And even from a financial standpoint, you know, okay, did I, am I, am I making a return on investment for this event? And sometimes I have to make a decision like, no, I'm not going to go to another conference or, you know, I already was gone three times in the last month. So I have to play that on in my head and say like, you know, I'm going to not do that, or I need a scale back. So just like you, you know, you just realize like, you know, it's too much.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     And sometimes I, you know, I, like I mentioned in the questions, I said, you know, there's times when I have to be present. And it's hard because you know, the business becomes something. You just become so engrossed in and you want to keep moving, moving forward, which is understandable. But at the same time, you do understand that there's this little person with you and you only have such a small amount of time with them because I think about like, there's gonna be that day, you know, going to become 18 or it might even be sooner where he's like, I don't want to hang out with you mom. And I don't want to think about, Oh my gosh, I missed out on those years because your business can always essentially be there, but your child is not gonna always want to hang out with you. So, you know, I have to keep those types of things in mind.

Shahara Wright:     Yeah, no, I think that's really important. Um, I, I know, um, and I've said this before on the show that, you know, I made a decision, like I said, I have two kids, my oldest is 22, and when I graduated from law school, he was a year and a half; well he was a year old, when I graduated from law school. And by the time I, you know, passed the bar and started my own business or whatever he was, you know, two. And I had gone to, um, uh, continuing legal education class and one of the guys that was talking, um, was talking about how much time he missed with his son and you know, this was a male. And so he was talking about how he missed a lot of time with his son. And he regretted that. And that was the one thing, the one thing that when I started my business, I said, I'm not going to do that.

Shahara Wright:      Like, I'm not going to have my kid, not know who I am. Um, because I'm so busy working and I feel that, you know, throughout the years and it's been 20 years, you know, that I've missed out on a lot of things. There's a lot more I could have had or should have had or would have had had I taken a different approach. And so sometimes people will say, Oh, Hey, you, you know, why aren't you at this level? Or why aren't you doing that? And I think, well, it was because of the choices that I made, not to work, you know, or not to do certain things. And so of course that is impacting my business, but I'm okay with it. So I just wonder how you feel about that in terms of impacting your business. Kind of the would've, could've, should've, um, how you've managed to say, you know what, I'm okay with whatever happens because this thing is more important.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     Absolutely. That's such an interesting topic. And I agree with you. You know, it's, it was interesting with your story because of all the things that you walked away with, it was that it had nothing to do with the business in a sense. Not a direct correlation. And so the fact that that was so important to you and that it carried throughout, you know, that that just says how much weight there is on that. And so for me, I completely resonate with what you said, because even when I got pregnant, I remember thinking like, Oh my gosh, I don't even know how to take care of kids. Um, you know, for me, I knew I needed to learn as I go. And you know, there was so much adjustments, but you know, and it's just, it's such an interesting thing where you don't even, you look back, you're like, how did they even do this?

Jennifer Fontanilla:     Right? How did I even just make this happen? And you would just see when I was pregnant and I was asking people who are already parents, they just go, I don't know, you figure it out. And I thought that is the dumbest answer. And now that I went through it myself, I'm like, okay, I see why they said that because you just figure it out. And so for me, you know, I, I do understand there's sacrifice and there's that balance. And you know, it's, it's this, it's weird because you have two kind of things. Okay. The child, like I said earlier, is only going to be a certain, a certain age for so long. So I know that it's not that our business can't get to that level. It just means not right away. And I'm okay with that. You know, cause there's some people that I see that everybody has different goals.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     And so, you know, when you're a parent, when you're, you know, particular for this situation, you know, when you're a mom you just inherently understand that you have certain goals. Yes, you want to grow your business, but yes, you do have a child. And so there's going to be that in a sense of delayed gratification. But I'm okay with that because at the end of the day, you know, you hear that, that one story that says, you know, when you're at your desk, then nobody's going to say, I wish I worked more. Everybody's, Oh, it's all right. It's always going to be this story that says that person, you know, I think it was at church, somebody talked about how they, obviously little pastors are going to pray over the person there who are going to, you know, it's time for them to pass pretty soon. And so they're praying and they said that a lot of times, you know, they'll notice that everybody will always be, the person that's about to pass away is always saying something like, you know, I wish I spent more time with my family.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     I wish I invested more into my relationship. And so just like you would that guy that you heard, I think about things like that. I take that kind of, I take that to heart because then I think about, I don't want to be that person that said, man, I, you know, I shouldn't have spent so much time on the business. I'm gonna think about my family. I'm gonna think about my son. I'm going to think about those things that are at the end of the day are way more important. And so when I can remember that, that grounds me. And then I don't have that regret. I'm like, yeah, you know what? I may not be there. I may not have X, Y, and Z and whatever. It doesn't mean I'll never get it. It just means not right away. And so when I think about that and have that, that I'm tunnel vision for that, that I don't want to go through that experience. It really helps me like, no, I'm cool, I'm good. I'm cause I don't want to have that. I don't want to have that regret. 

Shahara Wright:     Yeah, yeah. I think that's important, especially for us moms is, you know, and in doing our business, because I say the Facebook effect or have a social media effect where you see these people doing all these amazing things and you're like, Oh, you know, I want to do that. But what it takes to get that, the time it takes, the energy it takes when you're the sole provider, you can't really do both of those things effectively. I don't, at least I don't think, I've never met anybody that can.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     Yeah, it's, it's, it's tough. I was going to say too, Oh, I'm sorry. Did I add to it? Cause you brought up, you brought the Facebook thing and it's hard because I, I'll, you know, if I'm going to be real, you know, there's times I'm like, well, let's be nice to have a solid partner.  They have that extra, it lets me know that you don't have to work, you know, and I'm not knocking anybody else's lifestyle. It's just you, you know, you can't but help compare and whether that's healthy or not, depending on what level you do it too, you know, we can be unhealthy, but it does make you aware. You're like, okay, that's just not my path. That's not how it worked out for me. That's okay. I'm not going to, I'm just not going to get that in that in the same way you did, but that's okay. We all have our own path or journey or story, but, um, but no, I, I'm very well aware of that Facebook, Instagram effect.

Shahara Wright:      Yeah. And I think you just have to, I think, you know, for us as single moms, I think we have to be okay with it not being that way. Um, you know, I, I talked about this a little bit and I talk about it more later, but I am very strict with my schedule and because I'm strict with my schedule, a lot of times people think, well, Oh, you're not really hustling or you're not really doing this. And it's not so much that I'm not, but that there's only so much time for that. Like I'm not, there's things I'm just not willing to sacrifice for the dollar and that's okay with me. Um, even though it may not be okay with somebody else and I'm not ever trying to obtain this certain thing just for other people to look at me at a certain way because there are only two people really in my life, you know, that I want to make sure that when they think about me, what their words are is that she wasn't ever there like that. That's to me is like my worst nightmare is that my boys would think, you know, you weren't ever really there for me and I, I totally, you know, um, a lot in terms of when I'm making my decisions about when and where I'm gonna be or how I'm going to do something that's not the conversation that, you know, you can be mad at me about a whole lot of stuff, but that's not the one thing you're going to be upset with me.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     It ain't going to be that one.

Shahara Wright:     Yes.

Jennifer Fontanilla:      Oh wow. I love this. I love what you're doing. It's just amazing cause it's, it's a different world. It's a different mindset. It's a different place. Definitely.

Shahara Wright:     It definitely is. It definitely is. So, Jennifer, I know we could probably talk about this like all day. Um, I know I can. Um, and so we will chat more about this, but, um, let us know like how we can get contact with you. How can we support your business? How can we, um, you know, help you, uh, get your business where you want it to be by being supportive.

Jennifer Fontanilla:     Oh, thank you. Yes. If you want to get in contact with me and I will share the link with Shahara and if you can reach me, you can go on my site at www.jenfontanilla.com/gettheguide and then I also give her a mailing to um, you know, Instagram and Facebook as well. And then, um, if you go to my website, though, be a freebie about, um, 10 mistakes I like full printers make and so things that they're not doing. So if you want to go ahead and grab that free guide, feel free to go there. Um, but yeah, I'm pretty accessible. So, um, if you have any questions, if you are in a place where you know you've had these goals in regards to money and, um, for example, has been trying to do a budget or you've been trying to get things under control, but for some reason it's just not happening. It's not clicking and you have all the best intentions. Um, you know, reach out. We can do a 15 minute call. We can talk about that and see, um, you know what we can do. 

Shahara Wright:     Yeah, that's great. You guys make sure you connect with Jennifer. I, one of the things I would definitely want to do is do some special series around these issues, especially with single moms and money and Jennifer and I talked about maybe doing something later on so we'll definitely get something out to you because I think especially for us, single moms, this is such an important issue and topic, uh, you know, managing the money and even, I'm going to admit I'm not a brave money manager, but I mean even for those of you that are a top notch, um, this is something that I think you can't get too much of. Um, so make sure you reach out to Jennifer and I'm the connect with her. We'll have all the links and everything for you, but make sure you reach out to her. So thank you so much, Jennifer, for being a part. I really appreciate you coming and sharing your story. Thank you so much for being here.

Jennifer Fontanilla:      Thank you for having me. It's been great.

Shahara Wright:     Okay, you guys will, we will see you next time on Single Mom CEO. Okay, I'm going to get my speech together. We will see there and make sure that you like our Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/SingleMomCEOSuccess/
Check us out on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/shaharawright
 Um, and we'll see you next time. Have a good day. Bye

Jennifer Fontanilla:      Bye everyone.
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Why I left my Six Figure Job to be a Better Mom! - Featuring Kalilah Wright

11/12/2019

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​Kalilah Wright, born in Jamaica W.I., migrated to the United States at the tender age of 4 and was raised in Brooklyn, NY. She is the Founder and CEO of expressive brand Mess in a Bottle. As an accomplished designer and trained architect, she used her Masters degree from Morgan State University and Bachelors of Arts from Penn State University to establish the brand in January 2016 in Baltimore, Maryland. Mess in a Bottle allows you to put messages on t-shirts and are packaged in reusable bottles.

The Mess in a Bottle brand was established to evoke change, question Kalilah’s audience and allow individuals wearing their messages to be vocal without saying anything at all.
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Each item is designed and printed at her Baltimore in-house studio space.

Kalilah has participated in multiple pitch competitions and won the Wells Fargo Business Pitch competition at Blogalicious in 2016 and most recently, the 2018 iFundWomen pitch competition in conjunction with the Baltimore Ravens. Celebrities such as Serena Williams, Luvvie Ajayi, Lena Waithe, Yvonne Orji, and fashion gurus Claire Sulmers and Ty Tyrone, are all proud supporters of Mess in a Bottle.

Single Mom CEO
​Kalilah Wright
 Episode 1 Transcribed

Shahara Wright:            Okay. Hi, welcome to Single Mom CEO. I am Shahara Wright. I'm really excited today to bring with you, bring to you, sorry I can't talk this morning. Um, Kalilah Wright. And we're not related. Um, with Mess in a Bottle and I was really excited to speak with Kalilah; I met her probably about four years ago. She probably doesn't even remember me, but I met her, um, at Blogalicious. Um, he won an award there and that was the first time I interacted with you and we ended up kind of meeting kind of couples again and I follow you on your Facebook page. And I was really, when I thought about doing this show, you were like the very first person I was like, I have to get her on this show. So Single Mom CEO is really a series and talking about what it's like to be a single mom, a full-time business owner, and really kind of going through the ins and outs of what that's like. And Kalilah thank you so much for being here and welcome to the show.

Kalilah Wright:     Thank you. Thanks again for having me.

Shahara Wright:     No problem. So Kalilah why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself and your business and what you do.
 
Kalilah Wright:     Um, so again, my name is Kalilah Wright. I'm the owner of Mess in a Bottle. So Mess In a bottle, is a tee shirt company, and we put messages on tee shirts and they come packaged in a reusable bottle. A little bit about me. . . I was born in Jamaica, West Indies and I migrated to the United States at four years old. Um, and I lived in New York for most of my life and I then went to, um, college at Penn state university and I have my Masters in Architecture from Morgan State University and I now reside in Baltimore, Maryland. And I am a single mom to a beautiful six-year-old son.

Shahara Wright:     Wow. That is amazing. So what got you from architecture to doing tee shirts?

Kalilah Wright:     Um, you know, I think that it's a design field. Um, I was always a designer. Um, I just went from designing buildings to now the designing of apparel and designing messages and curating messages for people's lives. Um, but I started Mess in a Bottle in 2016, right after the 20, uh, right after the Freddie gray riots here in Baltimore. Um, I lived in that neighborhood. I lived in that community and, um, I was working at Under Armor as an architect and it really felt like there was a lot of race related, um, and police brutality incidents and everyone was tiptoeing around the issue and it felt like no one wanted to really have a, they were afraid to have conversations around what was happening in my community. So I started Mess in a Bottle as a form of communication and a way for people to have these important conversations without feeling like they had to really explain themselves. So Mess in a Bottle. We allow people to have a voice and we give a voice to the voiceless. And so that's kinda how Mess in a Bottle was erected and started.

Shahara Wright:           Yeah, that's a great story. It’s very unique in terms of, you know, being moved by something that happened in your neighborhood and wanting to do something about it. But then I think about, you know, what it has to take for you to leave your job and start a business. And I know how difficult it is, you know, owning a business and then taking care of your son. So what made you think, okay, I can do this business and you know, be able to provide for my son even though I don't have this steady paycheck?

Kalilah Wright:               Um, well, I have a, I have student loan debt as well as, you know, I just wanted to live a very, a comfortable life. And one day after receiving my paycheck and I was making six figures at Under Armor, um, but it just still was not enough, especially being a single mom. And so I told myself like, okay, I could work here for however many years and I could receive a raise. And, you know, and it was at the point where my son, he was only three years old at the time, and he would come with me to work and, you know, sometimes he would, I would, uh, put a little caught underneath my desk and I would let him sleep and nap. And I would be sometimes doing work until 1:00 AM 2:00 AM and I just really realized like this wasn't the life, especially because my salary would only grow like one to 2%, you know, however often.

Kalilah Wright:         And I just was like, this is, I'm not going to make ends meet. And so I knew then that if I wanted to take a bet on anything, it would be taken a bet on myself and just really, um, taken the leap of faith to say if I'm going to create a life for myself, a life that is enjoyable, a life where if my son becomes sick, I can stay home or work from home. I don't have to report to anyone. So I just really wanted to create what, you know, a comfortable situation would be for me as a mother.

Shahara Wright:          Yeah. I, I really feel that because, um, I started my business kind of very different reasons, but I started my business and when my son was two years old. And so I think that age right there, you kind of really making these decisions about what you're going to do with your life and how you foresee, you know, raising your kids. And for me, I really had to make, um, a decision about what kind of time I was going to spend at home, what kind of time I was going to be at work. I mean, I really still to this day struggle with kind of making those decisions. Do you have a hard time deciding like, okay, how much do I need to work versus how much I need to be at home? And you know, those kinds of things.

Kalilah Wright:    Of course, there's a lot of pressure on you, you know, being an entrepreneur, I think there's even a greater responsibility because if I don't work, it's like you don't get paid. Um, so I think that, uh, you know, even though you're flexible, you're able to make your own schedules and all this other stuff, it's still a responsibility where you have to take care and be the provider. There's no, there is no check on Fridays if you, you know, if you didn't go into work. Um, so I think that, um, it, it pushes you and I think that you still have to make those decisions. And I think for the first maybe two years of my business, um, you know, my son suffered a lot in the sense of I would put my business as the priority to sort of make sure that I was at the forefront.

Kalilah Wright:        But now I'm at a place where, um, you know, I try to make sure that I put his needs first and, you know, maybe a lot of travel. I definitely, even though it's those fields, like I travel a lot, I've slowed down a little bit this year where I'm very conscious about the different projects I'm going to do. And, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm more, um, you know, I'm a more aware of where I need to be and either training someone to see if an assistant could then be the person that able to, um, to head to a certain job site. So those are now decisions that I've made to, um, you know, to, to make it a little bit easier for me.

Shahara Wright:        Yeah, that makes sense. Was there anything in particular that happened that caused you to shift your mindset about how you were dealing with your son and your in balancing your time?

Kalilah Wright:             My son broke his femur, so your femur is right between your hip and your knee and you know, it's your thigh bone. And my son fell and he broke his, you know, he broke his leg and it was not like they had to do surgery, they had to put pins, we had to have a wheelchair, we had to have a Walker. And I think that really forced me to sit down and force me to sit down and force me to like really be there more for him as well as to make those hard decisions where, you know, there's certain events and certain things I just cannot do. So I think now I'm more, um, I sort of, uh, you know, have a schedule in which like, you know, I give maybe two weekends a month I'm home and maybe two of them I'm awake, but I try to balance it a little bit better. And then the weekends I'm away, no matter how much I hate a Chuck E cheese or a Dave and busters or, you know, I'm definitely not the soccer mom, but like at least, you know, we went on roller skating and we went bowling and he loved it. Um, so, you know, like those are like the fun still packed things that I'm really trying to instill within his schedule, within mind, you know, so that it'll sort of make up for the weekends in the times that I'm not there.

Shahara Wright:          Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And I think, you know, just from my perspective, um, you, it's very hard. And I, of course, everybody has some kind of mommy guilt at some point in time. Um, you know, we all experience it no matter, you know, where you are in life. It was a mom. You feel like, you know, you're not being the best mom that you can be, but I think putting those priorities in place about when and where you're going to be really makes a difference. And so in doing that and pushing your business forward, how have you been able to adjust inside of your business to be able to still push forward, um, while still being a great mom to your son?

Kalilah Wright:         Um, I think it depends. It, you have to have a really good team. And so it took me awhile. You know, I had good people around, but um, you also have to have like good people as well as really dependable. You want people, you want your business to run even when you're not there. And so I'm, you know, I finally found that team and that staff who they are able to run the business even in my absence. So I think it's a strengthen in the foundation and just making sure you have a really good team.

Shahara Wright:         Yeah, that's, that's really important I think. And especially for some business, especially business such as yours, where you know, you're, you're moving a lot of pizza places, there's a lot of different moving pieces, but making sure that you have that people around, um, makes all the difference. And so in finding those good people, what was the most important thing to you in terms of finding the people that you needed to help you with your business?

Kalilah Wright:               Um, I think it just really depends. I know for me, at first I was looking at creatives because I'm a creative, so I love creative. Um, but right now I've transitioned a little bit where I've hired a little bit more of an older staff, um, people who maybe they are creatives, but you know, they're in different industries. Um, people who I'm just, you know, don't have more of a personal relationship with, um, people who are maybe really detail oriented. Um, so I think whatever sounds like a really strong weakness of mine, I was able to try to find people with the characteristics that would support, um, and like enhance and um, you know, and make sure that they were the ones that would be there in my absence.

Shahara Wright:            Yeah. That, that makes a lot of sense. And I think especially kind of balancing your weaknesses with your strengths, um, really does something for your business and helps you to be able to do more because you're not so much worried about what you can't do and you're worried about what you can do. So I really love that perspective that you give and you know, thinking about it and just terms of life in terms of being a single mom, one of the things I know that we all suffer from too is not taking enough me time and giving, you know, you give it either all to your kid or you're giving it all to your business. How do you find the time or do you find he be time to just say, okay, this is, you know, Kalilah, I need to recharge.

Kalilah Wright:            Yeah. Me time is important. Um, I've definitely started, um, you know, at night, uh, my son is only six. Um, but we've had, especially when he was five, there was a lot of sleeping in my bed or, you know, staying up really late, hanging out with me while I do work. Um, so now I try to instill a little bit more of, you know, structuring, you have to sleep in your bed, you have to go to bed at a certain time. So those things allow for me in the evenings to kind of really have a moment to myself and you know, on weekends or, um, you know, some days I let him, we have a two story home, so some days I'll let him like be on the first floor for a little bit by herself with a tablet or with something. And then I could then proceed and go upstairs and, you know, and just relaxed and online and kind of take some time to myself.

Kalilah Wright:             Um, and even, um, I tell everyone all the time, like doing any like staycations, um, whether that's, um, you know, renting a little Airbnb and going into a different place because sometimes in your own home you may not be able to like, unwind or officially like let go of certain things or you bring things home. So it's kinda stays there. So, you know, I love like a good Airbnb and just like taking a weekend to myself. So those are ways that I definitely like, um, exhibits self-care and you know, and have and make time for myself. Cause I, I, you know, I think I'm just one of those moms where I, I definitely put the mask on me before I am able to assist my son. So, um, last year I even took a trip to South Africa for like 10 days by myself. Um, and so, you know, I put the air mask on me first.

Shahara Wright:     That's good. I'm glad to hear that. I know that I'm guilty of not doing that. I'm, I'm trying to get better, but . . . 

Kalilah Wright:     I also run running has been really therapeutic as well. And so I run like in the mornings and that has been definitely a way that, um, has, uh, helped me, um, is running.

Shahara Wright:     Wow. That's great. So what made you start, did you, have you always been running or did you make a decision that this is what you needed?

Kalilah Wright:     I've been running for a little while now. Like we, when I run, I ran my first marathon last year and I'm probably gearing up to run a second in 2020. Um, so yeah, I just run running as therapeutic, as calming. It's, I'm health, um, all of that good stuff. So I really enjoy, um, you know, I think it's a challenge, so it's something that I've just been enjoying to do.

Shahara Wright:     So where do you see you and your business going, let's say in the next three to five years? I mean, what are some of your big goals that you're looking forward to achieving?

Kalilah Wright:     Um, right now we're focusing on the vending machines and we are, um, focused on expansions, uh, collaborations with big box brands as well as we are. Um, you know, we want to get into some retail spaces. So we have a lot of things that we are working on and, um, and it's been exciting. It's been quite the journey.

Shahara Wright:     Oh, that's great. That sounds great. So tell me a little bit about your vending machines. What, what, uh, what are those?

Kalilah Wright:     So we launched, um, a T shirt, vending machine, and we recently did a collaboration with brothers for the movie the kitchen starring Tiffany Haddish on Melissa McCarthy and Elizabeth Moss. And we designed, I'm saying for our t-shirts, um, that were packaged in our reusable bottles and they were housed in the T shirt message machine, uh, and they were then dispensed at the movie premieres. So we look forward to doing more of those collaborations.

Shahara Wright:     Oh wow. That sounds very interesting and fun. Um, and so yeah, I can definitely see that being a big part of where you are moving forward. And I know that you also do some training on teaching other people to launch a teacher brand. So what made you start that, um, in addition to what you're already doing?

Kalilah Wright:     Um, I think just as you know, I know that when I was starting out, I was a single mom. I wasn't sure like where to go and I wanted to start this, you know, tee-shirt journey. Um, and I spent a lot of money. So I want that. If there are other, you know, especially single moms or women who are stay at home and still just trying to figure out what's the dual income, I want to be able to teach other people, like how to get a business off the ground.

Shahara Wright:     So what would be is like your, maybe your top two things that you would say were do's and don'ts, you know, do this, don't do that. And what would be some advice, you know, that you would give people that are interested in entering in that industry?

Kalilah Wright:     Um, well I started the t-shirt company with less than $500. I think that I'm, you know, depending on what you are going to venture into, I would say to try to limit your startup costs. Um, most of us don't have the extra cash to just, you know, throw money around. So I would definitely limit the startup costs, um, as well as I would try to, you know, maybe gain a mentor in that industry. Um, and see, you know, who can teach you about the game or who you can sit next to be a fly on the wall just to learn as much information as you can about that industry before jumping into it.

Shahara Wright:      Any big don'ts to definitely not do?

Kalilah Wright:      um, no cause you have to learn. You have to make the mistakes.

Shahara Wright:    Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. No, that's very true. So what would be some things that you think that, um, as your son gets older you will tell him about what you do in, I know your son spends a lot because he's younger and my kids are a little bit older, but, um, because he's younger, he maybe he doesn't understand or know, um, what you do. How do you explain to him, I guess that's a better question. How do you explain to him?

Kalilah Wright:     No, I think I'm surprisingly enough just hanging around. He understands a lot. Um, you know, he told me the other day that has friends, their moms didn't sign their contract to go on a school trip. Um, so I think that my son is now interpreting and using like business lingo as you know. So I think that he understands that I own my own company. He understands that I'm the CEO and that I founded this, you know, he helps me at the post office. Um, so I think on some days I definitely have mommy guilt about having him, like in the shop on a Saturday where I feel like, you know, kids may be in a 90 degree weather are running outside and playing with a ball, but instead he has to, you know, play with the tablet and listen to me have business meetings. But I think that there is also benefits in that environment as well. So, um, I think that my son is grasping really well what I do as six years old.

Shahara Wright:    Okay. That is great. Um, yeah, I think too, um, you know, maybe involving them when they're young into the business makes a big difference. And, you know, eventually they'll come around and see how things are. Um, my eldest son is 22 and while he has no interest in law, um, he definitely has seen, you know, he buckled down, do the things that I need to do and it's made a big difference in how he's approached his future career. So I think that that makes a difference. And I started, like I said, I started my business when he was two, which I'm telling how old I am, but he’s now 22 so, you know, and graduated from college and he's still, you know, I appreciate, you know, the fact that I was able to kind of balance all of those different things there. Are there anything that you think that from a single mom perspective that are things that you have learned that you feel like you could share with other single moms about how to, you know, how to balance and how to make sure that you know you are being the best you can be?

Kalilah Wright:     Um, I think the biggest thing is making sure that you're okay by checking in with you. I mean, um, like everyone else, I have my frustrating, you know, moments. I have my moments where I'm, you know, maybe every other day where I'm really annoyed about doing it by myself and you know, and not having the support or help. Um, I will also say that like, lean on your village, like whatever that might look like. Like my family, you know, they're about an hour away and you know, they support like maybe weekends or every other, but sometimes during the week I need support. So, you know, um, I have a local college student who is my babysitter and my aftercare help. Um, so I would really lean on whatever village that you create. And that can be, sometimes I hop on social media and ask everyone is anyone around cause someone, you know, to watch my son for a couple of hours while I go to a meeting. So, you know, it doesn't always have to. I think your village, does that always have to look traditional. It can be something where it is, you know, people that you may not speak to as often or neighbor that you trust. Um, so I think it's just really leaning on those who truly support you and care for your child.

Shahara Wright:      Yeah. So do you have any, like, must do's that you feel like you have to do with your son? So like I fought with my youngest, um, I've picked him up and I dropped him off from school and I always feel like that's like a must do for me because that's like my time that I really try to get to spend and talk to him. Although there's not, cause he's usually playing video games in the car, but you know, that's kind of like our time. Do you have anything like that that you do with your son that like feel like this is something I have to do?

Kalilah Wright:      I mean, not really. Like I do enjoy like I'm giving rides to school, but I mean honestly like if it's something that I just enjoy being and spending like little increments and moments with him. So, you know, if that is either or a pickup or a drop off for, you know, whether it's in between or meeting him somewhere and then, you know, us having like a little moment together. Um, I don't have like the, you know, I think we enjoy, we have like this car and we have like a car dance time and we're always playing music and things like that. But, um, I think just as long as we make that type of time together, um, I'm happy.

Shahara Wright:      Yeah. That's good. That's good. So do you have any other, um, thoughts or plans in terms of launching any other businesses or any other things that you're trying to do? I know sometimes as entrepreneurs in general always have like multiple ideas and thoughts. Um, and I don't want you to spill all your secrets, but I mean, do you have thoughts of adding more businesses or doing additional things?

Kalilah Wright:     Nope. Right now I'm just strictly focused on or bottle. Okay. That's good. I probably, I'm planning to launch a book in 2020.

Shahara Wright:     Oh wow. That's great. You know what you're going to be writing about.

Kalilah Wright:     It'll be about my messages and my journey.

Shahara Wright:      Okay, great. Awesome. So I'm, thank you so much. What could we give for being a part of this? Um, this is our, you know, very first episode. Um, we are just really excited about this. Um, this message. I think that's really important. I think, especially since, for us, single mothers who have full time businesses, there's just not enough, um, information or help or resources around to see other people who are making it work the best that we can. Um, and so I really appreciate you being here to share your story and show other mothers that this can happen for them. So thank you so much. Of course. No problem. Thanks for having me. So tell us a little bit about how to get in touch with you. How to, you know, get message in a bottle. Um, you know, I see you again on social media all the time, so I know you have those, but if there's other ways that we can purchase your product and support you, please let us know.

Kalilah Wright:      The best way to follow us is on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. Um, and it's Mess in a Bottle and you could check out our website at www.messinabottle.com

Shahara Wright:      Awesome. So you guys make sure that you, um, support message in a bottle. We definitely want to support our fellow single moms, help her to build her business and our brand and we'll do it together. If you are interested in learning more about Single Mom CEOs, you can, um, like our face Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/SingleMomCEOSuccess/ and you can also make sure you like our YouTube channel, subscribe to our YouTube channel. https://www.youtube.com/shaharawright   That's the CEO effect. And you'll definitely see Single Mom CEO and a lot of other business videos there to help you build your business. So once again, I want to say thank you to Kalilah and I look forward to seeing you guys next time. Have a great day. Bye bye. Thank you.


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Single Mom CEO Series Premier

11/5/2019

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    Author

    Shahara Wright is an Attorney, Business Woman and Single Mom.  She understands what has it been like to have the world on your shoulders and feel like you are going to crumble.  But you can't, because you are a single mom! 

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